Thursday, July 22, 2010


This email was sent to me recently, and while it does not specifically say that it is true, that is certainly the implication. So as I often do, I went to Snopes to learn what I could. That turned up -- nothing. So I Googled it, and found one site, “The Real Life Dilbert Manager's Quote Contest. Reality or Urban Legend?” (the second listing) of an individual, one Elana Centor, who was as leery as I. She, too, had googled “Dilbert Contest” and discovered that every site said “...a magazine...” without ever naming the magazine. Upon further research, Ms Centor discovered that the very same contest, with the same quotes happened in different years. Neat trick. She never did find anything that named a specific magazine, so she concluded that the contest was an urban legend.

Go ahead. Read these. They are funny. But the odds are very high that somebody made them up.

Dilbert Quotes
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions.

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning entry, from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, WA)

"What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (AT&T Long Lines Division)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing /3M Corp.)


  1. There are enough bosses like that in real life that Snopes or no Snopes, all those are believable.