Monday, April 30, 2012


Okay, a few more.  With captions.  Beautiful animals and birds --

Who dat in dere?

I keep ‘em close to home.

Just like that airplane that carries the space shuttle back to Florida.

Aha!  Dinner!

Yeah, scratch right there by my ear.

That’s right!  Open wide!

I did NOT lay this thing!

This is great exercise.  Now how do I get down?[

Humor -


Abraham Lincoln vs. Stephen Douglas after Douglas called him “two-faced” during a debate:
“I leave it to my audience.  If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?

Calvin Coolidge vs. An Opera Singer 
Audience member:
“What do you think of the singer’s execution?”
Coolidge:  “I’m all for it.”

Pierre Trudeau vs. Richard Nixon upon hearing that Nixon had called him an a--hole. 

“I’ve been called worse things by better men.’

Oscar Wilde vs. Lewis Morris. Morris had just been passed over for the Poet Laureateship.
Morris:  There’s a conspiracy against me, a conspiracy of silence, but what can one do?  What should I do?
Wilde:  Join it.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


I hope you find these as intriguing as I do.  Some captions.  Incidentally, feel free to give your own captions in the 'Comment' section.  Seems I see these as having to do with food.

Okay, what is this thing?  'Tain't edible.

Hold still!  I can't feed you when you're wriggling around!

Dinner on the fly.

Aack! That guy up there got my lunch!

'First ya put your right foot out in space'...

'That's what I call Ballin the Jack.'

Come back here with my dinner!

Mom's teaching me how to hold my head up.

More Jewish Haiku --

Quietly murmured
at Saturday synagogue services,
Phillies 5, Red  Sox 3.

Hard to tell under the lights.
White yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness.

Jewish Buddhism:
If there is no self,
whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Friday, April 27, 2012


The other version is ‘Sit up straight.’

Barbara is a physical therapist at Avenidas, and she is always after me to improve my posture.  Admittedly, my posture is lousy, and has been for years.

But I did find one pic that shows me sitting up straight.  What do you think?

Keep going ...

I'm down there somewhere.

Now if you have trouble reading what I was allegedly typing, here is the text --

Dearest Juddie -
I am writting you during working hours because when everybody sees me typing,
they think I am busy working.

(yes, I know about the mis-spellings, and no, I don’t know who ‘Juddie’ is.)

Other humor --


Winston Churchill vs. Lady Astor 
Astor:  Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.
Churchill:  Nancy, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.

NY Mayor Ed Koch vs. Andrew Kirtzman after the reporter insisted on pressing  point about an inconsistent statement Koch had made. 
I can explain this to you; I can’t comprehend it for you.”

Thursday, April 26, 2012


Something really cute happened in downtown San Antonio this week. Michael is an accounting clerk at Frost Bank and works there in a second story office. Several weeks ago, he watched a mother duck choose the concrete awning outside his window as the unlikely place to build a nest above the sidewalk. The mallard laid ten eggs in a nest in the corner of the planter that is perched over 10 feet in the air. She dutifully kept the eggs warm for weeks, and Monday afternoon all of her ten ducklings hatched.

Michael worried all night how the momma duck was going to get those babies safely off their perch in a busy, downtown, urban environment to take to water, which typically happens in the first 48 hours of a duck hatching. Tuesday morning, Michael watched the mother duck encourage her babies to the edge of the perch with the intent to show them how to jump off. Office work came to a standstill as everyone gathered to watch.

The mother flew down below and started quacking to her babies above. In disbelief Michael watched as the first fuzzy newborn trustingly toddled to the edge and astonishingly leaped into thin air, crashing onto the cement below. Michael couldn't stand to watch this risky effort nine more times! He dashed out of his office and ran down the stairs to the sidewalk where the first obedient duckling, near its mother, was resting in a stupor after the near-fatal fall. Michael stood out of sight under the awning-planter, ready to help.

As the second one took the plunge, Michael jumped forward and caught it with his bare hands before it hit the concrete.. Safe and sound, he set it down it by its momma and the other stunned sibling, still recovering from that painful leap. (The momma must have sensed that Michael was trying to help her babies.)

One by one the babies continued to jump. Each time Michael hid under the awning just to reach out in the nick of time as the duckling made its free fall. At the scene the busy downtown sidewalk traffic came to a standstill. Time after time, Michael was able to catch the remaining eight and set them by their approving mother. 

At this point Michael realized the duck family had only made part of its dangerous journey. They had two full blocks to walk across traffic, crosswalks, curbs and past pedestrians to get to the closest open water, the San Antonio River, site of the famed "River Walk." The onlooking office secretaries and several San Antonio police officers joined in. An empty copy-paper box was brought to collect the babies. They carefully corralled them, with the mother's approval, and loaded them in the container. Michael held the box low enough for the mom to see her brood. He then slowly navigated through the downtown streets toward the San Antonio River. The mother waddled behind and kept her babies in sight, all the way.

As they reached the river, the mother took over and passed him, jumping in the river and quacking loudly. At the water's edge, Michael tipped the box and helped shepherd the babies toward the water and to the waiting mother after their adventurous ride.

All ten darling ducklings safely made it into the water and paddled up snugly to momma. Michael said the mom swam in circles, looking back toward the beaming bank bookkeeper, and proudly quacking.  At last, all present and accounted for: "We're all together again. We're here! We're here!"

And here's a family portrait before they head outward to further adventures.

Count 'em.  Looks like 10 little ones to me.

Interestingly, I checked this on Snopes, and it is a true story, except that it is a variation of exactly the same tale.  Snopes says it took place in Spokane, Washington, and the guy who saved the ducklings is a senior loan officer named Joel Armstrong.

A bit of fun --

Never miss a good chance to keep your mouth closed.

Sign in a restaurant window:  "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up".

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Guess who came for dinner?

Could you imagine coming home from work to find this tiny creature napping on your couch with your dog?

It followed this beagle home, right through the doggy door. This happened in Maryland recently. The owner came home to find the visitor had made himself right at home.  This hit the 6 o'clock news big time.

Humor --


The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.

Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your  pocketbook.

Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Everywhere you look, they are goofy, pretty, funny, and a lot of other words one may use --

Awright, somebody give me a push!

That’s MY teddy!  Go get your own.

I wuv you!  Yes, dear.  Now go find dinner.

Aren’t I adorable!

Now where did I put that ...

Just where you think you’re going?

Yeah, the world does look different from this position.

We stick together so we don’t get stepped on!

Punnigrams --

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall... The police are looking into it. 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Monday, April 23, 2012


That was the final program for the 2011-2012 season at the Los Gatos Community Concert series, featuring the Chris Burton Jacome Flamenco Ensemble.  According to the program, “Flamenco  can be described as the
’Blues’ of Southern Spain.  It is an art form dating from the 15th century.  It is the outlet used by the poor and oppressed to express their emotions, ranging from grief to blissful celebration.”

From my viewpoint, flamenco is less about melody, and more about rhythm, beat, and the changes of beat.  Perhaps you have seen flamenco dancers ‘stomping’ their feet in tune with the song to which they are dancing.  I must say that if there were any insects on the stage beforehand, they have long since been trampled into eternity!  Quite an enjoyable afternoon.  My next step is to sign up for next year’s series.

Cartoons --

Saturday, April 21, 2012


Funny, clever, whatever --

 I’d take myself for a walk if I knew how to put on this collar.

Am I real?  (Doesn't look it to me.)

I found a way to keep these kids from running all over the place, and fighting with each other.

 Tomorrow you get to swim on your own.

Ah, you guys just too lovin’.

Don’t disturb me.  I’m tucked in for the night.

Both of ‘em flaked out!  That cat looks pretty plump!

Humor --


A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day.  She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing: she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally, someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?” He hadn't, and said so.

Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach.  Then we can find out what she's really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

”Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.

“No, she's not,” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

”Well, what is it then?  What does she do?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, “She's a battery salesperson.”

”Batteries?” cried the wife.

”Yes,” he replied.  “She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!”

Friday, April 20, 2012

QUIRKY, too, to, two

Just a few more of these strange bits of ‘art’, if one can call it that --

Nothing particularly unusual about this ...

...until you see this.  Can you see how it's done?  Answer below, if you need it.

Zip it up!

Looks like that kid is playing with his crayons again.

All aboard!

We’re just soakin’ up the sun.

‘Answer’ to second photo:
It appears that someone is shining light from the left in order to cast the statue’s shadow.  Let me know if you have other ideas.

Fun --

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away.  May God bless you.  You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
~ Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina.


"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." ~ Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper.