Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Necessity is the mother of invention

The other day when I went grocery shopping I noticed that they had the small round watermelons on sale. You know, they’re about the size of a bowling ball, but without the handy holes found in the bowling ball. I was using the bigger scooter, fondly known as the Kidilac, and it has a big basket on the back. I managed to wrestle a melon into the basket, and when I got to the checkout counter, I was able to reach around and get everything out, except the melon. I told the clerk that it was back there. She said she would get it, and she did.

She had packed all my groceries, except the melon, into one bag. The round ball was on its own in my basket, so that when I came home, it was easy to lift out the bag. However, I had trouble with the watermelon. When I tried to lift it out, it slipped away, and started rolling down the driveway.

I got into one of the small scooters, caught up with the runaway, and managed to get onto the floor of the scooter. Then I rode the scooter onto the elevator that takes me up to the back porch, and managed to roll the melon onto the porch.

Now this was the question: How was I going to get that bowling ba ... er, melon into the house and up onto the counter? I went into the house looking for a solution, and found a bucket.

Now, how was I going to get the melon into the bucket?

Aha! I put the bucket on the elevator, and lowered the elevator so that the top of the bucket was even with the floor of the porch.

Then I simply rolled the melon into the bucket! The bucket has a handle, so the rest was easy.

Here’s the cut melon. Beautiful, and seedless, too.

These great questions and answers are from the days when the "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False: a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


  1. I used to watch that show when I was a kid, and they were funny! Thank you for the laughs and the reminder.

  2. Very clever. What people will do for fresh watermelon. I remember Pa Ingalls (from Little House on the Prairie) risking malaria so he could enjoy some.