HUMMINGBIRD LANE

The following came to me in an email. It needs little, if any, comment from me.




"This is something I have never seen before, or ever even heard of. This woman lives in a Hummingbird fly zone. As they migrated, about 20 of them were in her yard. She took the little red dish, filled it with sugar water and this is the result.


The woman is Abagail Alfano of Pine, Louisiana. She has been studying them daily and one
morning put the cup from the feeder, with water in it, in her hand. As they had gotten used
to her standing by the feeder, they came over to her hand. She says in touching they are as
light as a feather. Abagail also said, 'if she had known her husband was taking pictures she
would have put on makeup.' “
















I love the shot of the bird coming in on the right. As I commented to my son Cliff, he looks like a fighter plane coming in for a landing on an aircraft carrier.












"Hey, gang, the food is over here!"










"Now you may wonder why I called this dinner meeting..."

Funny looking car

Last Wednesday I posted in the humor section, a video of a funny looking Japanese car. After that, the following rather silly email exchange took place:


Alison
"I'm just waiting for the day teenagers try to see how many of them they can fit in that car as they drive it around!"

Don
Let's see -- given body size and flexibility -- I'd guess about 17.

Alison
Lol! Does it count if there's one or two on each of the wheels?


Don
Methinks that any on the wheels wouldn't be there long if the car were moving. On the other hand, maybe they would simply become elongated, as in cartoons.

Alison
Okay, that's funny! Is that how my older son ended up being 6'9"?

Please note: I'm off until the Monday post, but that's one you don't want to miss. It will be both beautiful and unusual. I have all the parts; just needs assembly.

More fun:
Murder At WalMarts


Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands and as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store..

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. 

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!'

See you on Monday!

Artistry

Many years ago a young lady named Amalie Ansorge enrolled in a high school Latin class where she found herself seated behind another young lady named Mary Belfi. And, as these things happen, the two became fast friends. Years passed, and Mary met an aspiring young artist named Clark Hulings. They fell in love, married in 1966. and Mary became Mary Hulings.

A year or two later Amalie met Donald Meyer, the two fell in love, married in 1970, and Amalie became Amalie Meyer. Early on, the Meyer’s had flown east from California to New York to visit with some of Amalie’s relatives, and then they drove to Connecticut to visit the Hulings. It turned out that Clark had received a commission to do an oil painting of the Grand Canyon, and that gave quite a boost to his career.

Clark’s work is realistic, and while I am obviously biased, and believe his work to be absolutely top notch, I am not alone. His web URL is http://www.clarkhulings.com/index.htm, and of course you are free to visit the site on your own, but I received permission to post photos of some of his paintings on my blog. So I hope you enjoy these!





Grand Canyon in winter.
















Clark does love to paint the ever patient burro.

He is well renowned for his rural landscapes,

including this one.

If I remember correctly, he named this "lonely man"

This is "The Pink Parasol". I have a print of this hanging over my bed. Clark often manages to get a bit of red into his paintings.

What more can I say?


















And this one is "Onteniente". If I'm reading the Spanish correctly in Google, it is a city in Valencia, Spain. I first saw this in their home in Connecticut, and when the front door was opened, light simply flooded the painting. It was gorgeous. They now live in Santa Fe, New Mexico.


And you want humor, too? Okay.

UNITS OF MEASURE
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:
Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup:
Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash:
1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:
1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God:
1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:
Knot-furlong

10 cards:
1 decacards

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone:
1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine:
1 semicolon

Basic unit of laryngitis:
1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes:
A straight line

454 graham crackers:
1 pound cake

Just fun

Today is -- has been -- will be a busy day for me. But you (and I) are in remarkable luck. The following came in this morning's email. I'd seen it before, but I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. It is purportedly true. I haven't taken the time to check that out, but I have no trouble believing it. Zo ...


Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*


P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.


*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you 're right.

*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search


*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.


*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget

...and many more

We had my birthday party last evening, and it was a great success. The food was good, the conversation was light and friendly, and a good time was had by all.

That's an old friend (or as she prefers, a friend of long standing) Joline, to your left, then yours truly (Eric had to take about 4 shots to get a decent smile on my face) and son Clifford, who did a credible job of carving up the chicken.

Joline brought dessert -- a chocolate souffle cake that was absolutely delicious, and so light we nearly had to eat it off the ceiling. She may not like my telling this incident, but it was funny. After she lit the candles, she shook out the match she used, and blew out half the candles in the process. Oh, well, relit, as you can see.

I wouldn't exactly call the following video humor, though the vehicle is pretty funny looking. I have no idea what is being said -- Japanese, I believe -- but I love the way this thing parks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, (repeat) you know the lyrics

So I have turned 79. Actually, it’s 179, but I would never admit to that. Birthday party this evening -- all three of us -- me, Cliff, and Joline, an old friend, who prefers the phrase “friend of long standing”. Trouble is, I can’t stand for long, so “old friend” it is.

Eric is fixing my favorite dinner: roast chicken, corn on the cob, and peas with little pearl onions. Joline is bringing the cake. Yum!

Comments on comments:

Thank you, RobinH. I love your joke. May I use it on my blog?

Thank you, LynnM. Looks like things are coming into alignment, both bodily, and astronomically.

And to Northside Knitter, thank you Diane.

It’s quite marvelous having all these friends I’ve never met in the flesh, as it were.

Humor:

DAFFY-NITIONS

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have.
You have characte lines.


THE YO YO EFFECT

But instead of up and down, it’s in and out -- of the hospital. As I mentioned a posting or three ago, I awoke last Tuesday morning in pain -- in my right groin area. Tests at the hospital didn’t turn up anything. They sent me home on Thursday. Saturday morning I was hurting again, so back to ER. They medicated me and sent me home. Sunday morning I woke up with pain -- this time in the right hip area. Back to the hospital. More tests, but everything showed normal. I’d been saying all along that it was a chiropractic problem, so I made an appointment, and my just-returned-doctor-from-vacation determined that my pelvis was out of alignment. And he then proceeded to describe the pain that can result from that problem, which was precisely what I’d been suffering.

This is a rough sketch of the pelvis out and then back in alignment. He just took a hammer and chisel, and pounded it back where it belonged. Well, not exactly -- but he does have a special table to perform the task.


Fun time:

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

There are more collect calls on Father's Day day than any other day of the year.

Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive. Rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.

The most ironic fact about Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) is that he was allergic to carrots.

"Living on earth is expensive but it does include a free trip around the sun every year."

Of course good luck exists. How could we otherwise explain our enemies's success.

***

There was a young man from Yuma
Who told an elephant joke to a Puma.
Now his skeleton lies
'neath western Skies,
'Cause the Puma had no sense of huma!

***

TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".

TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"

TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that."