I’ve probably mentioned that I belong to a book club here in our park. We meet at 1 p.m. on the first Thursday of the month, so this past Thursday was meeting day. Or it was supposed to be. Early in the week I call or email the various members to remind them, and quite a few said they couldn’t make it. So this meeting was cancelled.
Then later that afternoon I had a call from my dentist to tell me that the metal frame for my permanent denture had come in. I had to come in for a fitting. They had an appointment available at -- would you believe? -- 1:15 on Thursday! Couldn’t be better.
I also had an appointment this morning with my opthamologist, who told me that my eye health is quite good. Gee, what with healthy eyes and my new denture coming along, I may not need a head replacement after all.
This has been making its way around the Internet as if it were true. It’s not, says Snopes, and showed the pricise same wording, except the guy was a 17 year old applying to McDonald’s. Nonetheless, I think it is funny.
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy old geezer)
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or vice-president. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT; My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL LIMITATIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR: I think the more appropriate question would be Do you have a car that runs?
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the
Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, or so they tell me.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Oh, yes, absolutely!