BEAUTIFUL SWITZERLAND

You can’t alp yourself enjoying these beautiful photos of the tiny country tucked away in the Swiss Alps.

 

 

 

 

Rarely do I suggest a bit of humor for our park magazine, and also post it on my blog.  But this is an exception.  I thought it was just too funny to deprive either audience.  So here is how to have a ...

LOVING RELATIONSHIP

A group of women were at a seminar on How to live in a Loving Relationship with Your Husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"  Some women answered today, some yesterday, some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." The women were then told to exchange phones and to read aloud the text message responses.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?
3 I love you too.
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What did you do now?
7. What the …….!
8. Don't beat around the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn't she??

JASMINE

I tend to take these unbelievable stories with a grain or two of salt, and therefore try to check them out on Snopes.  With one very minor exception, this turned out to be a true story.
                    

In 2003, police in Warwickshire, England, opened a garden shed and found a whimpering, cowering dog. The dog had been locked in the shed and abandoned. It was dirty and malnourished, and had quite clearly been abused.



In an act of kindness, the police took the dog, which was a female greyhound, to the  Nuneaton Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary, which is run by a  man named Geoff Grewcock, and known as a haven for animals abandoned, orphaned, or otherwise in need.

Geoff and the other sanctuary staff went to work with two aims: to restore the dog to full health, and to win her trust. It took several weeks, but eventually both goals were achieved. They named her Jasmine, and they started to think about finding her an adoptive home.

 Jasmine, however, had other ideas. No one quite remembers how it came about, but Jasmine started welcoming all animal arrivals at the sanctuary. It would not matter if it were a puppy, a fox cub, a rabbit or, any other lost or hurting animal. Jasmine would  just peer into the box or cage and, when and where possible,  deliver a welcoming lick.



Geoff relates one of the early incidents.  "We had two puppies that had been abandoned  by a nearby railway line. One was a Lakeland Terrier cross and  another was a Jack Russell Doberman cross. They were tiny when  they arrived at the center. Jasmine approached them and  grabbed one by the scruff of the neck in her mouth and put him on the settee. Then she fetched the other one and sat down with them, cuddling them."

But she is like that with all of our animals, even the rabbits.  She takes all the  stress out of them, and it helps them to not only feel close to her, but to settle into their new surroundings. She has  done the same with the fox and badger cubs. She licks the rabbits and guinea pigs, and even lets the birds perch on the bridge of her nose."


Jasmine, the timid,  abused, deserted waif, became the animal sanctuary's resident surrogate mother, a role for which she might have been born.  The list of orphaned and abandoned youngsters she has cared  for comprises five fox cubs, four badger cubs, fifteen chicks, eight guinea pigs, two stray puppies and fifteen rabbits - and one roe deer fawn. Tiny Bramble, eleven weeks old, was found semi-conscious in a field. Upon arrival at the sanctuary,  Jasmine cuddled up to her to keep her warm, and then went into  the full foster mum role. Jasmine the greyhound showered Bramble the roe deer with affection, and made sure nothing was matted. "They are inseparable," said Geoff. "Bramble walks between her legs, and they keep kissing each other. They walk together round the sanctuary.  It's a real treat to see them."

Jasmine continued to care for Bramble until she was old enough to be returned to woodland life. When that happened, Jasmine was not lonely. She was too busy showering love and affection on the next orphan or victim of abuse.



Pictured from the left  are: "Toby," a stray Lakeland dog; "Bramble," orphaned roe deer; "Buster," a stray Jack Russell; a dumped rabbit; "Sky," an injured barn owl; and "Jasmine," with a mother's heart doing best what a caring mother would do. The one exception I mentioned above is that they had the owl sitting on a towel so as to not scratch Jasmine. The towel was photoshopped out. Jasmine passed away in October, 2011.

Fun --

SAYINGS

A penny saved is a Government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have
gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

My Internet and telephone are through the same Internet provider.  As I’d mentioned before, I was having trouble with my internet connection.  Access was intermittent.  And along with that, every time I went to dial a  telephone number, I would get a BEEP BEEP BEEP before I got a dial tone. I had called  my ISP about it several times, and was told that they would check the line from their end. This went on for several days. And every time they would ask me if the beep was still there, I would tell them that it was.

Finally, I had a phone call from a gentleman from said ISP with some enlightening information. This fellow finally informed me that the BEEP BEEP BEEP was letting me know that I had messages in my call box. He then proceeded to tell me how to access those messages and how to delete them when I was finished. Whaddya know? After following his instructions, I no longer get BEEP BEEP BEEP when I go to call out. I almost miss it. Ah, the wonders of technology!


Humor --

HOW MUCH IS THE BARBIE IN THE WINDOW?

 A father comes out of work a little late, and on his way home he remembers it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought a gift.  He parks his car in front of a toy store, and asks the sales person,  "How much is the Barbie in the window?"   

With an authoritative voice, the sales person replies, "Well, we have: 

"Barbie goes to the Gym" for $19.95

"Barbie plays Volley Ball" for $19.95

"Barbie goes Shopping" for $19.95

"Barbie goes to the Beach" for $19.95

"Barbie goes Dancing" for $19.95

"Divorced Barbie" for $265.95"   

The surprised man questions, "Ah!?  Why does the Divorced Barbie cost $265.95 when the rest are only 19.95?" 

Taking a deep breath, the sales person responds: "Sir... the ‘Divorced Barbie’ comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's computer, and one of Ken's friends."

LANDSCAPE PHOTOS, Part 2

If you enjoyed part 1, you'll love part 2.

Cannon Beach, USA

Portland Head Lighthouse at Night, Portland, Maine, USA

 Sunset Time, First Vermillion Lake, Banff National Park, Canada

Paradise. Mt. Rainier National Park 

 Spring Creek, Great Smoky Mountains National Park, North Carolina

 Punchbowl Falls, a real beauty hidden in the Columbia River Gorge, Oregon, USA

Fire and Water. Washington, USA 

Fireworks of the Sea. Palm Beach, Florida, USA

Mono Lake Drama, Mono Lake, California, USA

Humor --

MORE ON EXERCISING

I don’t mind exercise.  I can watch other people do it all day.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I decided to take an exercise class. I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour--but by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.

LANDSCAPE PHOTOGRAPHS

These are really fabulous photos.  See for yourself.  Descriptions came with the pics.

Early Morning Fog Illuminated by Warm Sunshine. Inner Mongolia, China

Early Morning Sunrise Over Peyto Lake, Banff National Park, Canada

 Shiprock on a Stormy Morning, Shiprock, New Mexico, USA
Shiprock is a sacred location to the Navajo people.

Double Rainbow,  Colorado, USA

Spectacular Sunset Over Maligen Lake, Jasper National Park, Canada

Lone boulder in Joshua Tree National Park

Set Fire to the Sky. Mono Lake, California, USA

Valley of The Bones, New Mexico, USA

Fun --

ON EXERCISING

have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

SPELLING BEE

 The other day Cliff went to do our weekly shopping. Coleslaw was on the list, but at the deli section it turned out that the supermarket didn't have any. Later in the day we were out on an errand and decided to check again at the store. But once again there was none in the deli case. The young gentleman behind the counter suggested that if we could wait 10 minutes, he could have some made. I said we could wait. So there I was,  sitting in my scooter, drifting back and forth looking at the items in the deli section. One item caught my eye - seafood salad with, among other ingredients, krab. Yes, with a K.

Although I thought I knew why, I asked the young man behind the counter why "crab" was spelled with a "K". He looked at me a bit puzzled and came out from behind the counter to look at the description. And then he asked, "It's spelled with a "C"?"
"Yes, it is."
"I'll have to check with the manager," he said.

What I find slightly amazing is he was not sure of the spelling of "crab", and he didn't realize that the use of the letter "K" is used to indicate artificial crab. I'll bet that the next time I go by the deli case, the spelling will not have been changed.

Humor --

ENTRANCE EXAM

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and  goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by  St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and as Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper, St. Peter says,   "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone.  The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

 St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?  Second: How many seconds are there in a year?    Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begin with the letter "T"?  Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow.

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St. Peter.
"How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that a nod I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St . Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . "

"Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind But I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions,but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,"  Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song. . "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . "

RULES OF THE ROAD

A slow day on a dirt road.

This guy wants to pass. Seems to be in a hurry.

Where you going, buddy?

Look! I’m leading this line of cars. Not you!

Don’t get obstinate with me, buddy. I’m bigger than you are!

You get my point!

Okay, okay! I get it! Now turn me back over.

Humor --

LEAVING AN IMPRESSION

Having  just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his  desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, he  colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into  the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass  along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes,  sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,  he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman  replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."