AND YET SOME MORE FLOWERS

All that color! Enjoy!

 

 

Fun --

THE TECHNOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED

Customer:  I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work.  What am I doing wrong?
Tech support:  OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support:  And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer:  Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises.

* * *
Customer:  Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support:  Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer:  Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support:  That doesn't sound  so good; I'll make a note.
Customer:  No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...

MORE FLOWERS

We never tire seeing beautiful blossoms, do we --

 

 

 Fun --

LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Variation Law:
If you change lanes (traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to  move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).  *See below

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.

Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

*That one reminds me of a little rhyme --

It happens to me every time,
Every lane moves but the one where I'm.

UNDER WATER

Aquatic scenes always fascinate me. You, too?

Gee, I'd like to go for a swim.

He can come for a visit.

 Hey! Jump in! The water's fine.

Ha, ha, ha!  They didn't want to get wet.

 I don't think that's a mushroom.

 Lionfish, King of the Ocean.

 Technically that's a jelly; not a jellyfish. It has no backbone.

 One of those is not a fish.

 Yep, they really are transparent.

 Which way you headed, big guy?

RETIREES

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending coffee break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he does not miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

WILD ANIMALS

These are not pets, and this group are not in a zoo.  So enjoy, but no petting.

The text I saw it with this photo said that since that the cheetahs were not hungry, 

they were simply playing with this deer.

Schlurp, schlurp!

 How do I get down from here?

 Bath time.

Ieeee! Yaa!

 Bet you can't do this.

 King of the jungle, and he looks it!

 Merely meerkats.

 Go 'way. I am napping.

Yikes! he's gaining on me!

LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are
talking about.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with 

someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

MORE BIRDS

Here are a few more of our feathered friends.

Getting kind of crowded here.

 Me first! Me first! Me first! Me first!

Ooof! I hope I didn't break the landing gear.

 Bird bath!

 Hey, guys! Over here!

 The Royal Guard!

 Just follow Ma.

Fun --

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT TRUCK?

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche costs.

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars. So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?"

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. “I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a coffee break, but learned from a friend he had ran off to Hawaii with his mistress and doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, ...

We celebrated my 83rd birthday a day early because on the day Cliff and I went to see a local play accompanied by a friendly couple. Then they treated us to dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant.

The cake, as usual, was from our local Baskin-Robbins. If you’re curious, it was all of our favorite flavors -- chocolate!  That’s right! Chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream. I’d send you some, but (first) I don’t know how to send it by email, and (second) it’s all gone. Yup! We polished it off. All of it. Well, maybe next time.

The play, incidentally, was Avenue Q, quite  an unusual production. It consisted of live actors playing particular parts, plus muppets - head and shoulders - held by live actors, who voiced the dialogue and sang the songs while working the puppets at the same time. Fascinating!

Other fun --

LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch .

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

MISCELLANEOUS

I had my semi--annual visit to my cardiologist the other day. This gentleman comes highly recommended, and I have been seeing him for more than 10 years. He has done a couple of heart procedures on me (no, no heart attack), and he takes good care of me. He is generally so busy going from patient to patient that he appears to be a little bit grumpy. But this day he was in remarkably good humor.

After he checked me out and pronounced me still in good shape, we got into a conversation about life span and how doctors contribute to that. Actually, he said that doctors do not really contribute to lifespan, but to a better life. I had commented on the increase in lifespan over the centuries, and he said it was not because of doctors, but the introduction of waste disposal and refrigeration. I can’t argue with that.

* * *
There was an item in today’s sports section that I thought was really stupid. The NCAA deemed that a woman athlete in a local college had  received a gift that she should not have accepted. What did she accept? What did she do? She washed her own car on campus. That was an illegal gift of university water and the use of the university hose. Good grief!  The NCAA suggested she pay the university $20.  Expensive hose!

* *
 *
And speaking of doctors ...

THE NEW MATH

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"

"274" is his reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor shakes his head sadly then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday.