Wednesday, May 8, 2013

FLUTTERBIES, er, BUTTERFLIES

I was astonished at the variety of color, and combinations of color.  See for yourself --


















































Humor --

OBSERVATIONS

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

A day without sunshine is like night.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes it comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

NOT TODAY - almost

I had to get to the chiropractor early this morning.  I'd just been there yesterday, but my back was killing me, without doing a complete job.

This doctor has two young ladies who do the front office work for him, and this morning one of them said, "You owe us two jokes."  Oh, dear!  Well, I dredged up this one:

What does it mean when people say, "That's a great question"?
            It means they don't know the answer.

            And what does it mean when they say, "That's a dumb question"?
            It means they're not going to answer it.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

BIRDS - FUNNY and CUTE, part two

Just couldn’t wait to bring you the rest of this series --



I am beautiful and unusual



I like the open air accommodations




No, I didn't step in a pot of blue paint.  I'm a blue-footed booby.




I'm a wise old owl, and a dangerous predator.




Pretty soon the girls will look like me, and the boys will look like their dad.




I think I see two birds, but I'm not sure about that red thing between them.




Just too cute!



Fun --

ALL ABOUT THE FAMILY, part two 

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hires someone, or forbid your kids to do it.

The main purpose of children’s parties is to remind you that there are children worse than your own.

Patience and restraint are what parents have when there are witnesses.

What is a home without children? Quiet.

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Instructions on pushchair: Remove child before folding.

If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on time, then you’re the grandma.


Friday, May 3, 2013

OH, I"M JUST BEING NASTY WITH THIS ONE...

BUT TRY THESE . . .

... to see just how flexible your thinking can be.  In the years since this test was developed, few people have been found who could solve more than half of the questions on the first try. Many, however, reported getting answers long after the test had been set aside, particularly at unexpected moments when their minds were relaxed. Some reported solving all the questions over a period of several days.   (See answers below).

1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Every day he rides the elevator down to
the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel
half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining!  Why?

2. A man and his son are in a car accident.  The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital.  When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son!" How can this be?

3. A man is wearing black:  black shoes, socks, trousers, coat, gloves and ski mask.  He is walking down a back street with all the street lamps off.  A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time.  How did the driver see the man?

4. One day Kerry celebrated her birthday.  Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday.  How?

5. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?

6. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early.  Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning.  Why did the man not die?

7. A man died and went to heaven.  There were thousands of other people there.  They were all naked and all looked as they did at the age of 21.  He looked around to see if there was anyone he recognized. He saw a couple and he knew immediately that they were Adam and Eve. How did he know?

8. A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year.  But they were not twins.  How could this be so?

9. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points
it at the man.  The man: "Thank you!" and walks out.


...


...


...

 “TRY THESE” SOLUTIONS

1. The man is very, very short and can only reach halfway up the elevator buttons.  However, if it is raining then he will have his umbrella with him and can press the higher buttons with it.

2. The surgeon was his mother.

3. It was day time.

4. At the time she went into labor, the mother of the twins was traveling by boat.  The older twin, Terry, was born first, early on March 1st.  The boat then crossed a time zone and Kerry, the younger twin, was born on February 28th.  Therefore, the younger twin celebrates her birthday before her older brother.

5. A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole.  A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.

6. The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man drank the punch, the ice was fully frozen.  Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.

7. He recognized Adam and Eve as the only people without navels. Because they were not born of women, they had never had umbilical cords; therefore they never had navels.  (This one seems perfectly logical but can sometimes spark fierce theological arguments.)

8. They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets, etc.).  (This one reminds me of a true incident from early in my life. See at bottom.)

9. The man had hiccups.  The barman recognized this from his speech and drew the gun in order to give him a shock.  It worked and cured the hiccups--so the man no longer needed the water.


***  (A reminder from #8)
Many, many years ago (I may have been a teenager) my mother and I had been in downtown San Francisco, and were taking a cab home.  As the driver slowed for a stop light, he suddenly pointed, and exclaimed, "Look! Three twins!'


BIRDS - FUNNY and CUTE, part one

Tweet! Squawk! Urp! Cheep!  We have some variety here.

* * *

But first, a last minute quiz.  the following sentence was in an article in this morning's paper.  It made me wince.
You do see the problem, don't you!  Explanation at the bottom.  I know three blog followers who will spot it immediately.  It is not the content, but the sentence structure.  "The legislation would also have mandated tech firms, banks, and other businesses to say with whom they are sharing the data with."

* * *

Back to the boids --



Here comes Ma. Hope she has something to eat!



Great view from up here.



Ok, speak up! Who hit me over the head?




You may admire my wedding gown.
(Yes, I know. The peacock is the male. But I couldn't resist.)




Oh, yes, I'm real. I'm a puffin.




I'm sad because she rejected me.




So sue me! I can't do a thing with my hair!


Humor --

ALL ABOUT THE FAMILY -

There are two things a child will knowingly share – communicable diseases, and its mother’s age.

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.

Parents are not interested in justice; they are interested in quiet.

Everyone wants to save the earth. No one wants to help mom dry the dishes.

Any child who is anxious to mow the lawn is too young to do it.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

***
Quiz explanation:

"... to say with whom they are sharing the data ."  That final 'with' is unnecessary, so let's get with it.



Thursday, May 2, 2013

JUST FRIENDS

Look carefully in each picture for the cat as it makes its way down from the roof to the dog. Then, see  the explanation at the end.





























The story behind this picture is this:  Every day - at the same time - she waits for him.  Sometimes she barks (barks?) to call him.  He comes; they rub and greet each other and they go for a walk. They have done this for 5 years and no, they don’t belong to the same owners. The owners didn’t know until neighbors seeing them together so frequently commented to the cat’s owner, who then followed the dog home which was a distance away - not in a house close or next door. No one knows how it started.


Humor --

HEROIC FIREFIGHTERS

A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover the recent Southern California fires. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the firefighters as they battled the blazes.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground-level. So he requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved, and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport, where a single-engine plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I am a photographer for a national magazine," he responded, "and I need some close-up shots."
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"




Wednesday, May 1, 2013

EINSTEIN PREDICTION

The day that Albert Einstein most feared may have finally arrived.
Here is proof!





























 It's here.



Humor out of real life --

There was a column in the paper this morning by and about teenager who has a fear of needles, as in vaccinations. That reminded me of the time, about a million years ago, when I was in the army.  I was a company clerk, and one day my First Sergeant said he was going to donate blood.  Did I want to go with him?  It really wasn’t a question.  Yeah, sure.  I’d donated blood before, and that didn’t bother me.  So off we went.

 He went first.  When I had finished, and returned to the waiting room, I looked around, but didn’t see him.  “Are you looking for Sergeant Robertson?” a nurse asked me.  “Oh, yes,” I responded.  “He will be out in a little while,” the nurse told me.  “He passed out.”

No, I didn’t bug him about it.