RIDDLE PLUS

Today's Riddle for Seniors..

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off.


And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation safely?
See answer below.

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The Ultimate Answer  (Nothing to do with the quiz)

Apple has a Personal Assistant on its iPhone 4s called Siri that you talk to.  It (or ‘she’, since it is a female voice) can send messages, schedule meetings, place phone calls, and much more.  But my mentioning it is not an ad for Apple.  Apparently Siri ”understands” what you say and can talk back. Now some folks have discovered that Siri will answer more esoteric questions, such as, “What is the meaning of life?”

Turns out she/it has an assortment of answers to that question, including:

“I don’t know. But I think there’s an app for that.”

“Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in and try to live in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.”

“I give up.”

“Life: a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings. I guess that includes me.”

“To think about questions like this.”

“42.”  (Sorry, Russ and Sandy.  I think I gave you the wrong number.)

“Life: the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter including the capacity for growth, reproduction functional activity and continual change preceding death.”

“I can’t answer that now, but give me some time to write a very long play in which nothing happens.”

And my favorite:

“All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.”

***

Answer to quiz

Get off the merry-go-round before you hurt yourself!

EXPRESSIONS

Just in case you don't recognize certain expressions, we bring you the following --

This is what SORRY looks like

This is what TIRED looks like

This is what BAD SPELLING looks like

This is what INTIMACY looks like

This is what COURAGE looks like

This is what GOOD GRIEF looks like

This is what I CAN WAIT looks like

This is what IMPATIENCE looks like

This is what HELPING HAND looks like

This is what COLD looks like

This is what BAD MOOD looks like

This is what MOTHERING looks like

Humor --

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in the United  States' capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason.  They simply have not been able to find three wise men in the nation's capitol.

There was no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.

HEAD WARMER

Diana said she had some knit caps for sale, and one caught my eye.

This is my Christmas present to me.  Waddya think?

Other funny things --

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

Just wondering -- what is the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?

And then there is the fellow who asked the gardener if he watered the blooming idiots.

FUN FIRST

That's because it is a riddle, to wit --


Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips.


This may come as a surprise to you, if you don’t live in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.  Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday Services will give casino chips rather than cash when the collection plate is passed.

Since they get chips fom many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to convert the offerings.  The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastary for sorting, and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. 

                   Who is this done by? Answer below.


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Lately Pepper has been in egg laying mode, wherein she gets into her waste basket, hereinafter called "The Bucket". It has a ladder for her to get up and down.   While she is there she condones no intrusions whatever.  Ever hear a bird snarl?

But this time it's a bit different.  Some days she is in The Bucket; some days, no.  Like today.  She is all over me.  Wants her head rubbed.  NOW!  Oh, well, this, too, shall pass.


***


GAMBLING CHIPS ANSWER

        The Chip Monks.

REMARKABLE PICS

People keep sending me beautiful/fascinating/unusual/remarkable photos.  The least I can do is share them with you.

Dang! This food is too far off the ground!

Yeah, someone dumped a bucket of blue paint on me.

Coming in for a parachute like landing.

Ya like my new hat?

 I’m not really a one-legged owl.

I thank you, Lord, for this food I am about to eat.

The masked stranger strikes again!

Mine!  No, Mine!

 Eat!

That is so funny!

 I’m gonna catch that!

 I see you!

Fun, of sorts --

Army Helicopter Crash

While practicing autorotation during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."

MORE MARVELOUS ANIMAL PHOTOS

To my mind, these are remarkable.  See if you agree.

I be de judge heah

Hey! One at a time!

I am NOT near-sighted.  I see you perfectly well.

Kangaroo?  Or other pouchy animal?

Aaah, shaddap!

Turn off the sprinklers!

Let's see what food falls in.

Really!  I'm not related to the porcine family.

(Singing)  First ya put your right foot out in space ...

Honest!  There's two of us!

A bit of humor --

Ask a woman how she feels, and she'll tell you about every relationship she's ever been in.  Ask a man how he feelms, and he will tell you he feels like a pizza.

No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

The best way to get a husband to do anything is to suggest that he's too old to do it.

BOMB SCARE

The following article appeared in the local media a couple of days ago.  Did not look like good news:


SAN JOSE (CBS SF) — Police responded to reports of a suspicious package in a mail collection box near a U.S. Postal Service mail processing facility in San Jose Tuesday afternoon. A customer leaving the post office at 1750 Lundy Ave. saw a man wearing a gas mask and what looked like a bulletproof vest, said Gus Ruiz, a spokesman for the postal service. San Jose police Sgt. Jason Dwyer said that a passerby reported seeing a suspicious person run up to the box wearing a mask, drop something inside it and run away at 12:16 p.m.Customers and workers were evacuated from that part of the building, Ruiz said.A robot and an officer wearing a protective blast suit checked the mail collection boxes and it was determined that the package was harmless, Dwyer said. Police were able to single out the suspicious package and the rest of the mail was unharmed.
Gus Ruiz said he has been with the U.S. Postal Service’s San Jose branch since 1984, and said that no other bomb scares have occurred under his watch.





Then the following turned up in the media the following day:

Masked Man Explains Attire That Caused San Jose Bomb Scare
December 1, 2011 12:02 AM

29-year-old Long Hoang said he wore this mask and vest to a post office in San Jose on November 29, 2011. The bomb squad showed up soon after and detonated a package he stuffed into a mailbox, which turned out to be harmless. (CBS)

SAN JOSE (CBS 5) – A masked man’s recent visit to a San Jose post office led to a response by the bomb squad. But the student at the center of Tuesday’s bomb scare has an explanation for his attire.
The first reports were unnerving: a man wearing a mask stuffed a package into a mailbox at the busiest post office in San Jose Tuesday afternoon.
The bomb squad, firefighters, and the postal inspector closed down nearby streets. After four hours, a robot blew up the package, which turned out not to be dangerous.

What the paper explained, but was not in the online article, was that  Long Hoang was wearing special exercise gear to lose weight, including what looks like a gas mask.  See for yourself.

Lesson to be learned?  Don't exercise near the post office.

Food Fun --

Everyone's a pacifist between wars.  It's like being a vegetarian between meals.
Coleman McCarthy

I did not become a vegetarian for my health; I did it for the health of the chickens.
Isaac Bashevis Singer

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Anonymous