Some more views of Hawaiian Islands

To continue in the island of Kauai -
We took this helicopter for some aerial views of the island.






Yes, we were on it.

Kauai shoreline
We were told that many of these beaches can be reached only by boat.

It is pretty, and pretty hilly.

More shoreline.

I think some of those white spots are houses.
If they are, then the residents don'tneed a boat to get to the beach. But they do to go buy groceries.

We're still in the chopper.

Looking at this, it becomes obvious that this is volcanic rock. Note the hole near the bottom left.

(I have no idea why this is underlined)









We have to take the ship's tender into Lahaina, Maui, because our cruise ship is too big. As a result we cannot take our scooters, so we did not get any decent photos.

That's a pity because Lahaina is a charming little town.









Well, there it is. Our floating hotel just offshore from Maui. Too big to dock at the port. But now we will turn back and head for San Diego.



Humor:
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.''

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.''

The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'''

Who is she?

Many years ago, soon after Amalie and I were married, she said to me, "We're going to hear Carmina Burana". "Great", said I, "who is she?" "No, no,," she chided, "it's a musical production up at the Mountain Winery". And so we did. The Mountain Winery has a small, out-of-doors theater. The day was warm (spelled H O T), and while the production may be orchestral only, or orchestra plus chorus, in this instance, it was orchestra plus chorus plus dance ensemble. A most impressive performance.

From Google:
"Carmina Burana is a scenic cantata composed by Carl Orff between 1935 and 1936. It is based on 24 of the poems found in the medieval collection Carmina Burana. Its full Latin title is Carmina Burana: Cantiones profanae cantoribus et choris cantandae comitantibus instrumentis atque imaginibus magicis ("Songs of Beuern: Secular songs for singers and choruses to be sung together with instruments and magic images.")"

Now a friend and I will hear it a week from Saturday, and I won't have to ask "Who is she?"
This is a production by the Peninsula Symphony, a local group, well known in the area. We are looking forward to it.

Fun time:
A robber breaks into a home and hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."

Startled, he asks, "Who said that?"

Again, the voice says, "Jesus is watching you."

The robber turns around to see a parrot. He asks the parrot what his name is. The parrot replies, "Cornelius."

The robber asks, "Who names a parrot 'Cornelius'?"

The parrot replies, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus."

Nicknames and admonitions

Sorry that I don't have any photo to go with this topic. I was told that bloggees like purdy pitchers.

Anyway -- as a kid I had a very high pitched voice, and the other kids in the neighborhood nicknamed me "squeaky". Unfortunately, my high voice continued into adulthood, and when I had jobs that required me to be on the phone, persons who didn't know me would respond to me with "Yes ma'am," or "No ma'am". Needless to say this irritated me so that I finally went to a speech therapist to get my pitch down. It worked pretty well unless I got excited, at which point I'd start sounding like a soprano again.

I remember one incident where I was on the phone with someone who kept saying "Yes ma'am," or "No ma'am". So I consciously tried lowering the pitch as I was taught. It worked so well that by the end of the conversation, the other person was saying "Ma'am?"

At home I was Don, unless someone was angry or annoyed with me, in which case it was "DONald!!"

Everyone called Amalie "Am", (as in "the great I am").

Amalie came up with a great nickname for our Cockatiel, Pepper -- Miss Poopsalot. No, she doesn't answer to that.

Admonitions
You are probably aware how some people end their emails -- "Have a good day", "Be good", "Stay well", and the like. Because of my history of falling, what gets said to me is "Don't fall down", or "Stay upright", or -- the latest, "Stay vertical".

Humor:
Too Little, Too Late

A man arrived at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter opened the gate and said, “I’ve been checking your file. I can’t see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. I’ll tell you what—if you can tell me one really good deed that you did, I’ll admit you.”

So the man answered, “Once I was driving down the road and saw a gang of thugs attaching a poor man along the side of the road. So I pulled over, got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron, and walked straight up to the gang’s leader—a huge, ugly guy with a chain running from his nose to his ear. Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his ear and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled to the rest of them, “You all leave this poor man alone! Go home before I teach you a lesson you’ll never forget!”

Impressed, St. Peter asked, “Really? I can’t seem to find this in your file. When did all this happen?”

"Oh, about two minutes ago.”

Amalie's speech student

Amalie was a speech teacher in the grammar schools, and was fond of telling of the time she had an eight year old boy with a lisp. She had him chatting away, and correcting him as necessary. Somehow they were talking about insects, and Amalie asked him if he knew the difference between an insect and a spider. He said that a spider has eight legs, but an insect has six. “How do you happen to know that?” she asked him. His response: “I uthed to be an entymologitht.”

(Now if you don't believe him, count the legs for yourself.)

Humor:

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Nanoseconds

A nanosecond is one billionth of a second. I really cannot conceive of a billionth of anything, but these photos are intended to convey the speed necessary to capture the subjects when they did.

Enjoy!











































































Humor:

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy mother' she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shalt not kill."

* * *
The Senility Prayer

God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Author's recommendation

This young lady (I call all women young ladies) is Ariana Franklin, and she is an author. She writes historical fiction.

Several days ago, I posted a rather long item about Diana Gabaldon, who also writes historical fiction. (If you didn't read it then, go back to April 27. It's okay, I can wait). ... ... ... ... ... ...

Ah, you're back. At any rate, several months ago several of us Gabaldon afficianados learned that Diana was going to be at a local bookstore as part of her book tour. So of course we had to go. Along with several million others. Am and I were fortunate in that we brought our own seats -- our scooters. Somewhere near the end of Diana's presentation, someone asked if she did any reading of her own. "All the time" was her response. Would she make any recommendations? Yes, she really liked The Mistress of the Art of Death, by Ariana Franklin.

Wow, that sounded pretty gory. But it turned out that The Mistress was the female protagonist in the story. Adelia, the 12th century female pathologist, was born to take up her role as "Mistress of the Art of Death" fighting medieval crime and speaking for victims who otherwise would have been forgotten. Sound exciting? It is. It's a thriller. It's also, because Ariana Franklin's writing is fascinating and accurate. And her books are "normal" length, unlike Diana's, which go on and on for thousands of pages.

I can heartily recommend Ariana Franklin's writings. I just started the second book about Adelia, The Serpent's Tale. Reads well -- a real page-turner.

Okay, fun time:

The Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her."

Adam answered, "Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?"

The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who then took Eve by the hand and led her to a nearby bush.

A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you, Lord. That was enjoyable."

And the Lord replied, "Yes, Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now I'd like you to caress Eve."

And Adam said, "What is 'caress'?"

So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss!"

And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. Now I want you to make love to Eve."

And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"

So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.

And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache'?"

* * *
See you all on Monday.

Weather or not

I like to keep track of the weather. Here you see an external digital thermometer that hangs on the window outside of my dining room. The temper- ature you see is in my driveway at about 1:30 p.m. It is somewhat cooler out on the street. It is overcast, and has been raining off and on out here in (ahem) sunny California.

In yesterday's post I note that the local newspaper predicted a high of 71 degrees, while the online weather high was 63. The actual high? 67 degrees. I think that's called splitting the difference, or maybe compromise.

In case you missed the comment on the weather from LynnM, here it is, 'cause I think it is funny:

"One thing that really bugs me about my BBC weather page is when it predicts something like: Today's High 58, Low 45, Currently 40. Or Today's High 65, Low 55, Currently 70."

The weather report is even right sometimes.

Now I don't know if you will find this video funny or not, but it sure looked like a lot of fun. Turn up the volume!