SCENES OF CHINA

I find the tall, slender mountains fascinating.  I wonder how they were formed.
The last three photos seem to me like something out of a fairy tale, especially the last one.

 

 

Fun -

PASS THE NO-DOZ

Recently, our pastor fell asleep at the wheel and awoke just as he sideswiped a guardrail. When he got home, his wife peppered him with questions, trying to figure out what had happened.

"Were you sleepy when you started to drive?" she asked.

"No" he answered.

Then how did you fall asleep?

"I'm not sure," he said. "There I was, going over my sermon....."

MY CLOSE NEPHEW PASSED AWAY YESTERDAY

Jack was only six years younger than I, and we grew up together. We really were more like brothers than uncle/nephew.  In fact when he was born and I was told that I was an uncle, I refused to believe that. Uncles were old men with beards; I was just a little kid.

When he was out of infancy, we played together, hiked together, rode our bikes together, and played ball together. Actually Jack was a better athlete than I.  He played sports well into adulthood, and when he could no longer play, he just loved watching sports, especially the 49ers! He loved games of all kinds including card games, and most anything where he could have fun.


As a youngster he was pretty short.  When I was drafted into the army, he only came up to my shoulder.  And when I was discharged, I came up to his shoulder.  Yeah, he grew.

After high school he worked for a while, and then he joined the Air Force.  Smart move.  After a stint in Japan, he was transferred to France where he met his wife-to-be, Linda.  And they made a great couple. 

I know that Linda and the offspring -- Jeffrey, James, and Brenda will all miss him.  I know I do.

PENCILS, part 2

This guy (I think it’s a guy) is remarkable.  And here are a few more ‘carvings’ to demonstrate that.

You've got mail

That should hold it!

"There was an old lady who lived in a shoe ..."

I ever saw such a thing!

Humor --

IT’S SO HOT THAT…

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

PENCILS

And you thought pencils were for writing --

He is not just sharpening the pencil.

 Have an alphabet.

 Please be seated.

 I think that split pencil is deliberate.

Here's to you!

Are we playing horseshoes?

 A hammer for tiny people.

Have a heart.

Humor --

Small Children Writing About the Ocean.... All You Need To Know

The next time you take an oceanography course, you will be totally prepared.


Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

CHRYSANTHEMUMS, part two

Ah, the things we learn! Now we know that not only are 'mums beautiful, they are little stinkers -- with a purpose. If that confuses you, see the comments on the previous 'mum posting.

If you liked the previous posting, you’ll love today’s.

 

Fun --

I shot my first turkey yesterday.  Scared everyone in the frozen food section.

***

“I spent half of my money on booze, women and gambling.  The other half I wasted.”
W.C. Fields

***

“My memory is so bad.”
“How bad is it?”
“How bad is what?”

***

How to get rid of excess fat:
Step 1:  Apply Miracle Cellulite Cream to problem areas.
Step 2:  Run ten miles

TECHNOLOGICAL TROUBLES

It’s days like these that make other days feel better.  Ok, you’re thinking, now what?  I’ll tell you.
My land line phone is not working.  No dial tone.  I can call out on my cell phone, but I don’t get incoming calls.  The phone will ring, but there is no one at the other end.

I have that phone line with my internet service provider (ISP), so two days ago I called them (on the cell).  Did I have everything properly connected?  Yes, already checked that.  Double checked! 

They checked their end, but could find nothing wrong.  “We’ll have to contact our vendor and have them check the wiring outside your house.” That happened yesterday, but the repairman said everything was in working order.  “There’s a box from your ISP at AT&T where something is wrong.  They’ll get it fixed today”  That was yesterday.  Guess what?  Yup, no dial tone this morning.

When they finally get this fixed, I will be contacting my ISP to see how much of a credit they are going to give me.  I’m not paying for something I didn’t get!



On the other hand --

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly



A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.



'What are you doing?' she asked.



'Hunting flies,' he responded.


'Oh, killing any?' she asked.


'Yep, 3 males, 2 females,' he replied.



Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'



He responded, ‘Three were on a beer can, and two were on the phone.’

CHRYSANTHEMUMS

If you don’t care for chrysanthemums, don’t bother with this ‘cause that’s today’s presentation.  On the other hand, ...

 

Humor --

ICE CREAM

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store: Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star-struck woman smiled demurely.

“Pull yourself together!” she chided herself. “You're a happily married woman with three children; you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!”

The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.

When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change--but her other hand was empty. “Where's my ice cream cone?” she asked herself. “Did I leave it in the store?”

Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand…or in a holder on the counter…or something. But no ice cream cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman, "You put it in your purse."