FUNNY ANIMALS

Some are just cute.  Or both --

Eat the banana!

You can't make me!

You want some? I'll think about it.

Shhh. Don't tell him! It's soft up here.

Mmpff!  Push!

I am pushing!

I told you to stay out of my food dish!

Peekaboo!

 I'm the designated baby sitter.

Exercise? You gotta be kidding.

Humor --

FROM CHURCH BULLETINS

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 


SCINTILLATING SCENES, Part 2

The first group was fascinating.  So are these --

 Beautiful New Zealand

Guelta d'Archei Oasis, Sahara Desert

Preikestolen, Norway

Perspective, The Redwoods, California ( The Redwood Forest)

Zhangjiaje Stone Forest in Hunan, China.

 Somewhere in Vietnam .. Canal River through a paddy field

The Inhabited Volcanic Island of Aogashima, Japan.

Humor --

THE CHILDREN’S BIBLE IN A NUTSHELL, concluded

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say, ''As a matter of fact, I was.'')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums.The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyway, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

SCINTILLATING SCENES

So some say  --

Off the Amalfi Coast, Florence in Italy

Zachariasbryggen - Bergen, Norway

The Tibetan Bridge in Claviere, Piedmont, Italy.

 Cave Hotel in Cederberg Mountains, South Africa.

 Greenland

Hong Kong.   

 Gudvangen, Norway

Voringfossen is the 83rd highest waterfall in Norway on the basis of total fall.

Fun --

THE CHILDREN’S BIBLE IN A NUTSHELL, continued

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

INDOOR, OUTDOOR LIVING

From scruffy to casual to fancy --

Humor --

THE CHILDREN’S BIBLE IN A NUTSHELL

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,"The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did.  Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden ... Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

SEA LIFE

A variety of sea creatures --

Coconut octopus (that's what the caption said!)

Hermit crab close up

That's daylight seahorse time!

 

Humor --

 THE NEW DOCTOR

A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening,, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The doctor marched down the hallway to where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?

UNUSUAL AND UNRELATED

Somehow I’ve managed to gather together several unusual photos.  See if you agree --

Alpine climbers in a gorgeous setting.

Ancient temple, Angkor Wat, Cambodia

Those tree roots look like a giant hand gripping the building.

Cloud lit by lightening!

Coast caves.

Somewhere in Hawaii.

Initially this one had me puzzled until I realized it shows both above and below the water line.

The title on this pic was Pedestrian Bridge. Before I opened it, I was thinking, One of those ropey, 

swingey things.  I surely was not expecting this.

Wow! Talk about tenacity!

Waterfall restaurant. Just don't stick your head out the window.

I don't know if these are weeping willows, but they sure look bedraggled!

And we wrap it up with this beautiful waterfall.

You might guess that I like waterfalls!

Humor --

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.  As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat
next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.  

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."  

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.  Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade."

I SEE WHAT YOU’RE SAYING

Literally.  It’s a bit of a story, so settle down, relax and read.

I have been somewhat hard of hearing for a while, but have avoided doing anything about it. But this summer, when Cliff and I were going to plays, I had a hard time understanding some women with high pitched voices. It seemed to me that I was losing it in the upper ranges, so when my M.D. recommended an audiologist, I made an appointment to have my hearing tested. Sure enough, the tests showed what I’d suspected.

So I made an appointment to get fitted for aids.  I was told that I didn’t need the fanciest, most up-to-date expensive ones since my loss is not that severe.  The audiologist had me try a few different styles that didn’t break the bank, and we agreed on one.  She said they would call when the aids arrived.

About a week later I was called to let me know that my aids were in, so I made an appointment.  A couple of days later there I was getting my improved hearing.  But that is not what the headline to this story is about.  The audiologist had pointed out a special telephone that is available only to the hard-of-hearing, at no cost!  Well, not really no-cost. There is a very small charge on our monthly telephone bill that pays for these instruments, so I’ve been chipping in for years, and they are available only to those that audiologists identify as needing them.  I said I wanted one, so the audiologist placed the order.  “But it might take as long as a month to be installed,” she warned me.  Oh.  Okay.  One week later the installation was complete.

The main feature of this phone is that when someone talks to me (on the phone, of course), the words show up on the screen.  This takes some getting used to because there is about a two second delay between the spoken word and the printed word on the screen.  I have already found the phone helpful when talking to tech support, and I trust I’ll get used to that brief delay. (I tried to get a photo of the text, but was not successful.)

I can also store most used phone numbers, and the phone stores incoming, outgoing, and missed calls.That’s what shows on this pic.  So, yes, I do see what you say!



Humor --

LOOKING FOR WIVES

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

"The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big bust, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."