Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Saturday, November 2, 2013
KEUKENHOF GARDENS, Part 2
Oops. Almost went past this one.
I didn’t think you’d mind seeing a few more pics from this lovely garden.
I didn’t think you’d mind seeing a few more pics from this lovely garden.
Race ya!
Beautiful bridge.
Ooh, looks like a party
Have a seat -- carefully.
Thanksgiving rabbits?
Pretty small pond for a dolphin.
Have a heart!
Yeah, we give a hoot.
For my next selection ...
Humor --
A guy is driving around the back woods, and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale’. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.’
‘But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten bucks,' the guy says.
'Ten bucks? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar……….. He's never been out of the garden'
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.’
‘But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten bucks,' the guy says.
'Ten bucks? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar……….. He's never been out of the garden'
Friday, November 1, 2013
Engineers Without Diplomas
They do a remarkable job, especially considering the tools they have to use.
A: Try a bookstore under fiction
Q: My wife is going through menopause. What can
I do?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus-year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.
Q: Why should 60-plus-year-old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus-year-olds to have problems with short-term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where do 60-plus-year-olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus-year-olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “I remember these!”
Fun --
Q: Where can men or women over the age of 60 find young, sexy members of the opposite sex who are sexually interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction
Q: My wife is going through menopause. What can
I do?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus-year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.
Q: Why should 60-plus-year-old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus-year-olds to have problems with short-term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where do 60-plus-year-olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus-year-olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “I remember these!”
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
KEUKENHOF GARDENS
These magnificent gardens are near Lisse, The Netherlands, close to Amsterdam.
An overview
All that the serious artist needs
Oooh! Almost lunch time!
After much consideration, I've decided that this is a butterfly.
The royal elephant!
Hmmm. The white keys seem a little out of tune.
Whooo said I can't fly!
This guy's so flighty, they had to tie him down.
Looks like a jelly roll.
Humor --
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way Mom told you to.
**
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad.
**
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.
**
Always keep your words soft and sweet in case you have to eat them.
**
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad.
**
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.
**
Always keep your words soft and sweet in case you have to eat them.
Monday, October 28, 2013
ODD COLLECTION
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I agree that this a strange collection of pics.
Jack and Jill
Jogged up the hill,
Their breath came
Faster and faster.
Before the top
They made a stop,
Narrowly averting
A myocardial disaster.
***
Jack tried to be nimble
He tried to be quick.
He shot hoops with young guys
And ruptured a disc.
***
Oh where, oh where
Has my Estrogen gone?
Oh where, oh where can it be?
I was once young and fair
Now I sprout facial hair
Oh hormones, come back to me.
***
Low-fat cake, no-cal shake
Pritikin man,
I’ve tried every diet
From here to Japan.
I’ve poached it, I’ve steamed it,
I’ve drunk herbal tea.
I think from now on
I’ll just let myself be.
I should be in politics. I'm transparent.
I am having nothing to do with what appears to be a 3-headed snake!
Beautiful!
All dressed up.
Well, you needn't get all puffed up!
Another beauty
Big fella. Looks tired.
Probably from outer space.
Humor --
MOTHER GOOSE, REVISITED
Jack and Jill
Jogged up the hill,
Their breath came
Faster and faster.
Before the top
They made a stop,
Narrowly averting
A myocardial disaster.
***
Jack tried to be nimble
He tried to be quick.
He shot hoops with young guys
And ruptured a disc.
***
Oh where, oh where
Has my Estrogen gone?
Oh where, oh where can it be?
I was once young and fair
Now I sprout facial hair
Oh hormones, come back to me.
***
Low-fat cake, no-cal shake
Pritikin man,
I’ve tried every diet
From here to Japan.
I’ve poached it, I’ve steamed it,
I’ve drunk herbal tea.
I think from now on
I’ll just let myself be.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
DECORATIONS
Here are a number of photos of over sized ornamentations that you may like --
***
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. “Young man, we're both 90 years old,” the husband said. “We may not have 45 minutes.” They were seated immediately.
Here, have a drink.
If these are boots, you need really curly toes.
A path not for walking
(Maybe in your bare feet?)
Beautiful bridge
That hat's too big for me.
Have a tall one.
Looks like a helmet to me.
I don't think I can lift that.
Too big for the dining room table.
Humor --
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
***
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. “Young man, we're both 90 years old,” the husband said. “We may not have 45 minutes.” They were seated immediately.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
NOT WELL, revisited
I’ve not felt well for the past couple of weeks. No appetite, no energy, upset stomach. When I finally got to the doctor, he had me get a blood test. That led to an ultra sound, which led me, yesterday, to a gastroenterologist whom I had seen before many years ago.
After listening to my complaints, he examined me and came to the conclusion that I need a colonoscopy. Arrgh!
That will be tomorrow. Today is the nasty day since I have to take a bottle of laxative, and then have it power wash my insides. You can find me in the bathroom.
As it happens, I like this doctor. He is very reassuring without glossing over the problem. One thing that makes him interesting is that his last name is seven (7) syllables long!
I’ll be back when I’m able.
Fun --
I was in the express lane at the store, quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?”
After listening to my complaints, he examined me and came to the conclusion that I need a colonoscopy. Arrgh!
That will be tomorrow. Today is the nasty day since I have to take a bottle of laxative, and then have it power wash my insides. You can find me in the bathroom.
As it happens, I like this doctor. He is very reassuring without glossing over the problem. One thing that makes him interesting is that his last name is seven (7) syllables long!
I’ll be back when I’m able.
Fun --
I was in the express lane at the store, quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?”
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
GROCERY AD
This is for real! Honest! I thought this most appropriate following yesterday's blog on Food Rules.
The weekly grocery ads show up on Tuesdays with the morning paper, and I take a look to see what is on sale. As I scanned through this morning, this caught my eye:
The weekly grocery ads show up on Tuesdays with the morning paper, and I take a look to see what is on sale. As I scanned through this morning, this caught my eye:
Muscle milk? What on earth is that? Milk made from muscles? Or mussels? Note that the ad says that there are select varieties. Is that muscles, or the milk? The CRV tells me it comes in a bottle. I think I'll pass this week. If anyone has any info on this product, I'd appreciate your letting me know.
In another ad, I saw something called Skinny Cow. I don't even want to reflect on that.
Monday, October 21, 2013
FOOD RULES
The other day I was sitting in my doctor’s waiting room, and I picked up a small book entitled Food Rules, by Michael Pollan. The author lists some 64 rules about food that make a great deal of sense. No, I am not going to list 64 food rules; however, I do want to introduce you to this gentlemen, and his notions about food.
First of all, Pollan is not a nutritionist nor a scientist; he is a journalist. But he has, he says, thoroughly researched what he writes about. He says, “Eating in our time has gotten complicated; needlessly so, in my opinion.” He goes on to say that many of us rely on experts of one kind or another to tell us how to eat. We don’t always heed the expert advice, but somehow it sticks in our heads in the grocery aisle or at a restaurant.
He divides the book into three chapters: Part one – What should eat? (Eat food). Part two - What kind of food should I eat? (Mostly plants) Part three - How should I eat? (Not too much).
Pollan is not being facetious when he says to eat food. By that he means there are thousands of products on supermarket shelves that are highly processed concoctions designed by food scientists, consisting mostly of ingredients derived from corn and soy that no normal person keeps in the pantry. Pollan calls these manufactured items edible food like substances.
With each rule, he gives a brief description of the reason for the rule, but I will not get into that. But the rules themselves gives you a pretty good idea of what he has in mind. For example rule number two says, “Don’t eat anything your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.”
Rule number six: “Avoid food products that contain more than five ingredients.”
Rule number seven is one of my favorites: “Avoid food products containing ingredients that are third-grader cannot pronounce.”
Another of my favorites is rule number 11: “Avoid foods you see advertised on television.”
You get the idea. If this small discussion intrigues you, you may want to find the book at your local library. I do, however, want to give you rule number 64, which I think you will appreciate: “Break the rules once in a while.”
(It occurs to me that you can read that book title two ways. The first is probably the way it is intended, with Food as an adjective, and Rules as a noun. The other is with Food as a noun, and Rules as a verb. Think about it.)
Humor --
Hoo, boy, did I find the right piece of humor to follow Food Rules!
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat is very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
First of all, Pollan is not a nutritionist nor a scientist; he is a journalist. But he has, he says, thoroughly researched what he writes about. He says, “Eating in our time has gotten complicated; needlessly so, in my opinion.” He goes on to say that many of us rely on experts of one kind or another to tell us how to eat. We don’t always heed the expert advice, but somehow it sticks in our heads in the grocery aisle or at a restaurant.He divides the book into three chapters: Part one – What should eat? (Eat food). Part two - What kind of food should I eat? (Mostly plants) Part three - How should I eat? (Not too much).
Pollan is not being facetious when he says to eat food. By that he means there are thousands of products on supermarket shelves that are highly processed concoctions designed by food scientists, consisting mostly of ingredients derived from corn and soy that no normal person keeps in the pantry. Pollan calls these manufactured items edible food like substances.
With each rule, he gives a brief description of the reason for the rule, but I will not get into that. But the rules themselves gives you a pretty good idea of what he has in mind. For example rule number two says, “Don’t eat anything your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.”
Rule number six: “Avoid food products that contain more than five ingredients.”
Rule number seven is one of my favorites: “Avoid food products containing ingredients that are third-grader cannot pronounce.”
Another of my favorites is rule number 11: “Avoid foods you see advertised on television.”
You get the idea. If this small discussion intrigues you, you may want to find the book at your local library. I do, however, want to give you rule number 64, which I think you will appreciate: “Break the rules once in a while.”
(It occurs to me that you can read that book title two ways. The first is probably the way it is intended, with Food as an adjective, and Rules as a noun. The other is with Food as a noun, and Rules as a verb. Think about it.)
Humor --
Hoo, boy, did I find the right piece of humor to follow Food Rules!
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat is very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
MORE FEATHERED FRIENDS
And most of these even fly!
'Course I cute! You wait 'til I get feathers!
I'm the Regal Royal (blue)!
I can keep you cool with my fan top.
Parakeets!
Standing guard
Pretty fancy
In formation
Struttin'
Humor --
TRUCK STOP
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.” The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.” The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon.”
“Oh, OK!' said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, “What are the beans for?” She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
***
I just had to add this bit in the humor section:
I subscribe to THE WEEK news magazine. This item was on page 4 of the current issue --
A 518 pound British man was forced to pay for two airplane seats to account for his extra heft.
One seat was in row 17, and the other in row 19.
“Oh, OK!' said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, “What are the beans for?” She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
***
I just had to add this bit in the humor section:
I subscribe to THE WEEK news magazine. This item was on page 4 of the current issue --
A 518 pound British man was forced to pay for two airplane seats to account for his extra heft.
One seat was in row 17, and the other in row 19.
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