BOO!

Ah, ha!  Halloween is upon us! Every holiday our park management puts up the appropriate decorations.  And Halloween is no exception!  Have a look at these!

 :-) pumpkin

 Fooled you!

 Beware! Nasty cat!

 Casper, the friendly ghost.

Gonna bite cha!

Happy family

The monsker–– this guy had to be tied down.

Grrrrr!

 Meet the toothies.

A bit of fun

And then something scary!

Happy Halloween




A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...

when behind him he hears:

Bump... BUMP... BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP...  BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on his heels!

The terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door...

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and, (hopefully you're ready for this!!!)

The coffin stops.

FASHION SHOW

It’s hard to dispute that birds can be both unusual and beautiful all at the same time. Here are some examples for you to marvel over. I don't even know the names of most of these. I do have a few comments to make.

 Crashing the party.

 This one looks like something out of Harry Potter.

 Parakeets in flight.

 All ready for a night out on the town.

 Well, dear, that's the way this outfit came.

 Tiptoe quietly. No tulips.

 I'm all red in the face because you're wearing the same gown I have.

 The hummer is small, but the bee is smaller.

 I'm laughing 'cause you look funny.

Do you like my multicolored outfit?

 All I need is a tux to go with my whitetails.

 No, I'm not wearing a mask. That's me.

 Political fun:

No, no, Democrat Jerry Price and his Republican wife are not really getting unhitched.  They just decided to joke about their divided party loyalties as they displayed their competing signs on the front lawn.
From the San Jose Mercury.

TECHNICAL SUPPORT

The headline in this morning's paper:

       SWEEP!
***

I’ve been using this new dictation program for a while now, and it can be pretty good – –  usually!

But there are times when I run into a situation that drives me only mildly nuts. For example, I will want to make a line like the headline above in all capital letters. That’s not the problem. It’s when I go to write some text, and I give the proper command to stop using all capital letters. That’s When I Get Something That Looks like This. I  really don’t want every word capitalized, thank you very much. But today I finally found the users manual, and it is full of very useful information. All that I have to do is learn all this stuff.  The program doesn’t try to insert punctuation intelligently based on grammar, tone of voice, or anything like that.  So there is no point in my being dramatic when I speak. The manual tells me that I can train the program; I sometimes get the feeling that it is training me!

Let’s see if I remember anything from what I looked at this afternoon:
What I kind of get a kick out of is the ability to get all kinds of punctuation. Take a look.
Ampersand – I just say that and I get &.
If I sayApostrophe ess, I get  ’s.
How about a cent sign–– ¢
Now I didn’t realize that three dots have a name; it is called Ellipsis, and if I say that, I get  …
But the one that I got a kick out of was getting that character that sits above the number two on the keyboard; namely, @.   Do you ever use that?

Oh, one other thing. I have to be careful not to swear at it when it does something other than what I want. All it does is type it on the screen. That can be a little embarrassing. I do tend to mutter aloud.

Let’s go to something on the lighter side --

TESTING WINDSHIELDS

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains.
Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatter-proof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo, "Defrost the chicken."  (True story)

As to its being a true story, Snopes begs to differ. They say the story has been around for many years in many different forms. They do say that engineers used to fire dead chickens at windshields, but have switched over to clay in deference to environmentalists.

THREESOMES

Not necessarily triplets.  Have a look.

 

Well, if we can't have a fourth for bridge, I'm gonna take a nap.

Bandits in hiding!

I got it!  I got it!

White with black stripes.

 

BIBLE INTERPRETATIONS

(as written by children—misspellings and all)

~ Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

~ Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

~ Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any
ingredients.

~ The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the
ten commandments.

~ The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

~ The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 

PERSIA

That's the old name of present day Iran. I think that's a prettier name.  I also think these are pretty impressive photographs. Do you agree?

 Old city gate.

 An old town part of Tehran.

 Another part of the old city.

 They call this the Park of Dialogue.

 This is a statue of an old Persian astronomer.

 A park in northern Tehran.

 Here is a traditional restaurant.

 On the hillside.

 Outside the city.

 Mount Damavand

Fun --

Did I read that right?

AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop: 
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?



Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR



Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

ON A KNEED TO KNOW BASIS

Those of you who follow this blog know that about two weeks ago I had arthroscopic knee surgery. For the first few days I was unable to stand up on my own, and Cliff had to pick me up every time I wanted to move. At first the pain was quite negligible, but as the days went on, the pain became stronger,  and I was using Tylenol to relieve it.

When I saw the doctor a week after surgery, he suggested I use an anti-inflammatory instead of Tylenol. So that’s what I’ve been doing. That seems to help, but I still have difficulty standing up.  Cliff put pillows on my wheelchair, and that raises me enough – – usually. The problem is that the pillows tend to slide backward when I inch my way forward, putting me in an  awkward position to get up. Now we are using a cushion from the back of the couch, and that seems to work quite well, thank you.

Enter the nurse at Avenidas. She told me that she wanted me to stay in the wheelchair until I was able to demonstrate that I could stand up and move on my own. She talked to the physical therapist about me, and they decided that the therapist would see me for a few weeks, and help me get back to my normal (sub – normal?) self. So now, for a few weeks, anyway, I am confined to “quarters” – – my wheelchair while at Avenidas. I’ll live!

Enough of this stuff. How about something funny?

A BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGE    
    
Two  brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom  looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.  After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I  think I am going to have a little whisk broom!' 

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom. 

(Are  you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to hurt!) 

'WE  HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT  TOGETHER!' 

GERMANY

 These are scenes from Germany. Enjoy!

 I've had black forest cake; now here is the real thing.

 Beautiful town.

 How come they always take these photos on a beautiful sunny day?

 I think they refer to the big piece of rock; not the little chunk out on the left.

 This  appears to be on a river since I see a few bridges crossing the water.

 This would have to be on the coast to judge from the size of that cargo ship.

 That looks like the sun peeking through the trees.

 2962  meters is about 9700 feet. Pretty high to be in your backyard.

 Fun stuff –

Did I read that right?

Did I read that sign right:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER; PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS 
 


In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN