THE RESIDENT CLOWN

That would be Pepper, my cockatiel.  Her wings are clipped, so she doesn’t fly, but wow!  Can she climb!  Up and down!  She keeps me company in the den, and has about a dozen favorite spots where she will sit and preen.  Or sleep.  Including my lap. 

I have 3 roll-around tables that I use to spread out my paper work, and generally she stays off of them.  But there are exceptions!  The other day I was working here at the computer when I heard a funny metallic noise.  I turned around, and saw that was Pep climbing up one table.

Pep!  Get down!  (I know darn well that she understands me, because ...)

...she turned around and climbed back down.

'Now stay down.'

Can I climb this one?  

No!

You’re mean!

I’ll just go sit on my favorite cushion and sulk!

Other humor --

EXERCISING

~ I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

~ I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

~ I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

~ My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

~ The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

~ If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

~ And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.