If you use a computer, (and how else would you see this?) you may find the following invaluable --
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
Reply:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common complaint.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once Installed!
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear".
The best course of action is to enter the command APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
BEAUTIFUL SCENES FROM AROUND THE WORLD
It is amazing how different various scenes from around the world can be. Have a look!
Wish I knew where this is.
Brazil
Canada
Egypt
Fiji
Holland
Italy
Polynesia
Viet Nam
Virgin Islands
Fun --
SMILES FROM THE BIBLE
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
SMILES FROM THE BIBLE
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
FASCINATING ANIMALS
I keep getting them, so I like to share. Have a look --
Oooh! Cold!
I may be cute; just don't mess with me!
I'm not really a bunny.
ZZZZZZZZZ
No, I am NOT photoshopped.
Have a heart
(Come up with a caption)
Butterfly? What's a butterfly?
Do not disturb!
I just had a bath.
No, I will not get off the bed!
Humor -
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites. Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were thinking. "That poor old couple."
As the old man began eating his French fires, a young man stood up and walked to the old couple’s table. He politely offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything. Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. This time, the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again. After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered, "The teeth."
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites. Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were thinking. "That poor old couple."
As the old man began eating his French fires, a young man stood up and walked to the old couple’s table. He politely offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything. Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. This time, the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again. After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered, "The teeth."
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
QUIZ TIME
It's just my quizzical nature. First -- here are three youngsters, In no particular order, and labeled A, B, and C.
I am one, another is my nephew Jack, and one is my nephew Scott.
You may be headed that way if... (part one)
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
At the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Your back goes out but you stay home.
You wake up looking like your driver's license photo.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Happy hour is a nap.
I am one, another is my nephew Jack, and one is my nephew Scott.
A
B
C
Keep going. A bit of fun before we get to part 2:
ARE YOU OVER THE HILL ?
You may be headed that way if... (part one)
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
At the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Your back goes out but you stay home.
You wake up looking like your driver's license photo.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Happy hour is a nap.
***
And here are three adult photos (with spouses) labeled one, two, and three. Just match the kids with the adults. I’ll put the correct answers ... ah, someplace.
One
Two
Three
Answers below the fun.
ARE YOU OVER THE HILL ?
You may be headed that way if... (part 2)
You're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
You say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
You sink your teeth into a steak--and they stay there.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
***
You may be headed that way if... (part 2)
You're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
You say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
You sink your teeth into a steak--and they stay there.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
***
Quiz answers:
A-one is Jack w/Linda B-three is yours truly w/ Amalie C-2 is Scott w/ Chrissy
A-one is Jack w/Linda B-three is yours truly w/ Amalie C-2 is Scott w/ Chrissy
How did you do?
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
GOOD IDEAS
Check these out. You might find something useful.
TRANSPARENT TOASTER
You love toast, but do you burn it? Then this invention is for you. This transparent toaster allows you to see the bread while it is toasting so you just have to take it out when the color is right. This idea is based on a transparent heating glass technology.
BUTTER CUTTER
One Click Butter Cutter controls your portion as an important part of staying healthy. This ingenious butter cutter delivers one standard pat with each click of the handle.
DAY CLOCK
What day is today? You don't know? Then you need a Day Clock. It is uniquely designed to keep track of weekly events like your golf day, card night, movie night, and so much more. It's ideal for vacations and cruises when it's easy to lose track of the day. Particularly good for retirees!
LASER SCISSORS
Laser Scissors Cutting a straight line has never been easier. Just aim the pin-point laser and follow the line. The scissor blades are stainless steel and cut very clean with a micro edge.
'THE THING' - INFANT PILLOW
The Zany is an ergonomic infant pillow designed by a mum to mimic the size, weight, touch, and feel of her hand and forearm to help her baby with comfort, support, protection, and development. The Zany can help calm your baby and help your baby sleep better through the night.
TRAVELER'S PHRASE BOOK T-SHIRT
If you travel a lot and don't always know the language of the country you are visiting, then this T-shirt is for you. It has a phrase book printed on it so just point a finger at the pictogram you need and then point it twice at the question mark, which means, 'Where is it?' and in no time you have found what you were looking for... Or not.
Fun -
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
***
As the income tax deadline approaches, did you ever notice that when you put the two words "the" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS"?
As the income tax deadline approaches, did you ever notice that when you put the two words "the" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS"?
***
You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands.
For instance, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands.
For instance, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
Monday, September 24, 2012
THE LAST FLIGHT
The space ship Endeavour made its last flight aboard the Shuttle Carrier Aircraft on Friday, September 21.
It flew from Edwards Air Force Base and made a tour of California before landing in Los Angeles en route to her final resting place at the California Science Center. It circled Sacramento, the state Capitol, and then flew down to the Bay Area.
It flew from Edwards Air Force Base and made a tour of California before landing in Los Angeles en route to her final resting place at the California Science Center. It circled Sacramento, the state Capitol, and then flew down to the Bay Area.
Here is Endeavour over Oakland.
Then it flew over the Golden Gate Bridge. Note the little escort plane between the shuttle and the bridge.
That is Marin County in the background.
Another photo over the bridge. San Francisco is in the background.
After circling over Moffet Field in Mountain View, it made its last leg of the flight to Los Angeles.
Moffet Field is just a few miles from where we live. That evening I was told Endeavour had circled right above our mobile home park, but I was not here at the time. However, someone emailed me this photo.
Over its flight career, Endeavour flew 122,853,151 miles and spent 299 days in space.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
MAGNIFICENT SCENERY
These are simply beautiful, and need no comment from me. Except a couple of them look like paintings.
Enjoy!
Humor --
DICTIONARY LIBERTIES
The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Winners:
~ Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
~ Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
~ Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
~ Glibido: All talk and no action.
~ Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
~ Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
Enjoy!
Humor --
DICTIONARY LIBERTIES
The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Winners:
~ Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
~ Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
~ Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
~ Glibido: All talk and no action.
~ Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
~ Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
Friday, September 21, 2012
FUNNY - CUTE ANIMALS
Animals have ways to express themselves. Here are a few examples --
Don't bother me! I pooped!
I'm just the cutest one around.
Wot dis?
I just petting you.
I always sleep with my favorite toy.
Why don't he get me a pillow!
Schlurrrrp!
Pffffft!
Humor -
~ The trouble with square meals is they make you round.
~ I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?
~ My weight problem is hereditary. It was passed down from my mouth to my stomach.
~ Growing old is only a state of mind brought on by gray hair, false teeth, wrinkles, a pot belly, and an overall feeling of being totally pooped.
~ Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell ‘straight’. He did so without error. “Very good,” said the teacher. “Now what does it mean?”
Johnny’s reply: “Without water.”
~ My Granddaughter asked me what it was like to be old. So I told her, “Put cotton in your ears, and pebbles in your shoes. Pull on rubber gloves. Smear vaseline over your glasses, and there you have it -- instant old age.”
~ The trouble with square meals is they make you round.
~ I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?
~ My weight problem is hereditary. It was passed down from my mouth to my stomach.
~ Growing old is only a state of mind brought on by gray hair, false teeth, wrinkles, a pot belly, and an overall feeling of being totally pooped.
~ Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell ‘straight’. He did so without error. “Very good,” said the teacher. “Now what does it mean?”
Johnny’s reply: “Without water.”
~ My Granddaughter asked me what it was like to be old. So I told her, “Put cotton in your ears, and pebbles in your shoes. Pull on rubber gloves. Smear vaseline over your glasses, and there you have it -- instant old age.”
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