Humor --
ADVERTISEMENTS
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
SENSE OF HUMOR NEEDED ...
by the troops overseas in order to retain sanity.
Humor --
ADVERTISEMENTS
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.
Humor --
ADVERTISEMENTS
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
PARK FLOWERS, CONCLUDED..
...at least for the time being.
Punny --
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
 |
| Add caption |
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
ANGRY MAMA
One angry mama: Pennsylvania Game Commission officer Doug Dunkerley shields himself from a mother peregrine falcon as a fellow officer retrieves her young chicks from their nest on the ledge of the 40th floor of the University of Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning. The chicks were given a check-up, banded and returned to the nest.
Humor -
This isn’t new, but I think it’s funny.
AUTOS vs COMPUTERS
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on...
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that get 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive--but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Humor -
This isn’t new, but I think it’s funny.
AUTOS vs COMPUTERS
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on...
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that get 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive--but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Monday, June 13, 2011
DESPITE THE RAIN
... and all our complaining about the January weather in June, the flowers in our park decided to come forth anyway. See for yourself.
Humor -
For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
***
The most popular labor saving device today is money.
***
If it weren’t for venetian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us.
***
It's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas.
Humor -
For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
***
The most popular labor saving device today is money.
***
If it weren’t for venetian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us.
***
It's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Clever!
Humor -
An elderly gentleman was out on the golf course, going around by himself when a younger man asked if he could join him. Yeah, sure. After they had played a couple of holes it became apparent to the older gentleman that the young man was trying to show him up. So on one hole when the young man’s ball landed behind a tree, the older man said, “The last time I played this course, my ball landed just about where yours is. So I hit my ball over the tree.” The young man, not to be outdone, determined to do the same, so he took a mighty swing, and hit the tree. “Of course,” said the older man, “the last time I played this course was 20 years ago, and that tree was about 3 feet tall.”
Wanna play?
"Light" as a feather
Unh! Heavy!
Humor -
An elderly gentleman was out on the golf course, going around by himself when a younger man asked if he could join him. Yeah, sure. After they had played a couple of holes it became apparent to the older gentleman that the young man was trying to show him up. So on one hole when the young man’s ball landed behind a tree, the older man said, “The last time I played this course, my ball landed just about where yours is. So I hit my ball over the tree.” The young man, not to be outdone, determined to do the same, so he took a mighty swing, and hit the tree. “Of course,” said the older man, “the last time I played this course was 20 years ago, and that tree was about 3 feet tall.”
Friday, June 10, 2011
THREE IS ENOUGH
The other day I found I was getting a lot of nothing from my iPod. So Cliff drove me to my favorite Apple store where they checked out the gadget and concluded that nothing was wrong with it. Had to be the headset. (I’m glad they didn’t say that it was my head.) Now that may sound funny to you -- the head set, that is, but mine is wireless that I bought online a little over a year ago. Which, of course, puts it out of warranty. I called the seller who referred me to the manufacturer. Said manufacturer is selling me a replacement at a somewhat reduced price. That’s one.
Then the icon for my external backup disc disappeared from my computer desktop. I fiddle diddled with it for a while, but with no success, so I called the manufacturer. Tech support decided I needed a new connection cable, and it turned out they were right. I’ve got my icon back That’s two.
And that same day my monitor screen went black Ack! It had power, so that was not the problem. Checked the plug-in to the computer. A little loose. Pushed it in. Monitor screen considerably brightened! That’s three. That’s enough! I love happy endings.
***
I captured the following from a video. You may consider it funny or horrifying. The question at the beginning of the video was “How close to the railroad tracks can you put a vegetable stand?” You may be the judge.
Then the icon for my external backup disc disappeared from my computer desktop. I fiddle diddled with it for a while, but with no success, so I called the manufacturer. Tech support decided I needed a new connection cable, and it turned out they were right. I’ve got my icon back That’s two.
And that same day my monitor screen went black Ack! It had power, so that was not the problem. Checked the plug-in to the computer. A little loose. Pushed it in. Monitor screen considerably brightened! That’s three. That’s enough! I love happy endings.
***
I captured the following from a video. You may consider it funny or horrifying. The question at the beginning of the video was “How close to the railroad tracks can you put a vegetable stand?” You may be the judge.
In the video, as the train approaches, the vendors pull in the awnings, and as soon as the train goes by, they put them out again. I have no idea where this is.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
MOONSHINE
These photos don't need any comment from me. However ...
Fun -
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping
for me and buy a quart of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 quarts of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the heck did you buy 6 quarts of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
I've been framed
Hope that's not helium in the balloon
Jump!
Fun -
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping
for me and buy a quart of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 quarts of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the heck did you buy 6 quarts of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
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