CATTY CORNER

Beautiful felines. Enjoy.

I like playing with my paws!

I promise. I won't do it again. Whatever it was.

What dat?

Don't bother me. I'm feeling grumpy.

Okay, now how do I get down?

I luv you! You luv me?

Humor -

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to give him a boost.

***
A pilot explaining a problem to the mechanic: “The radio works intermittently, but only sometimes.”

ALL HUMOR

BRAINS OF BRITAIN
Some really amazing contestants on these quiz shows.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm
Stewart White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis
Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO ( MANCHESTER )
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. ... ..
Richard: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er .. .....
Richard: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific.

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller: Japan.
Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er ........ Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland ?
Daryl Denham: (helpfully) It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er... .... ..
Phil Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Phil Wood: Ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?

THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.

AND FINALLY......

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I awoke this morning a little before 6 to a very loud rumbling noise. “Good grief, what is that?” I thought to myself. It sounded like a fleet of low flying airplanes, or maybe a group of very large, slow moving pieces of heavy equipment. But it didn’t go away! Half an hour later it was still going on. It actually lasted for more than an hour.

“Do you hear that loud rumbling noise?” I asked Cliff. “Yeah, it’s a helicopter. Maybe an accident somewhere,” he said. Well, yeah, some accident! Seems a Caltrain hit an unoccupied car just a few blocks from where we live. Maybe the copter was looking for missing pieces. I later heard that there were three choppers flying around.

***

Another neighborhood item:
I’m faintly amused that the Canadian Olympic ice hockey team is made up of many (mostly?) San Jose Sharks ice hockey team members. Maybe they’re Canadian citizens?

Humor -

HELLO!

A friend asked me today if my birds talked. “Not English,” I replied. “Pepper is a female, and female cockatiels tend not to talk.”

But that reminded me of an incident several years ago. I had just pulled into our driveway, and was getting out of the car, when I heard a voice --

“Hello”

I looked around, but didn’t see anyone.

“Hello”

I still didn’t see anyone, so I walked out to the street, and looked right and left. Not a soul in sight.

“Hello”

It finally dawned on me. It was my next door neighbor’s parrot. So goodbye, already.


Humor -
Well, speaking of birds, here’s a cartoon I just received:

When I count to three, you will wake up and never want to chase birdies again.

CHIMP "MOTHER"

White tigers get new mom
 
When hurricane Hannah separated two white tigers from their mother, Anjana came to the Rescue. Anjana, a chimp at TIGERS in South Carolina, became surrogate mom and playmate to the cubs, even helping with bottle feeding, according to The Sun. But here's the truly amazing part: This is something Anjana does all the time, having helped raised leopard and lion cubs on several occasions.




















Humor -

The difference between involvement and commitment: when you’re eating ham and eggs, the chicken that laid the egg was involved, but the pig that provided the ham was totally committed.

***
The voice came over the loudspeaker at the airport: “Will the party who lost $5,000 with the yellow rubber band around it, please come to the information booth.” Then the voice added: “We have the yellow rubber band.”

HELP ELIMINATE JUNK MAIL

Do you wonder why you get viruses or junk mail? Don't you hate it?

Every time you forward an e-mail there is information left over from the people who got the message before you, namely their e-mail addresses and names. As the messages get forwarded along, the list of addresses continues to build All it takes is for someone to get a virus, and his or her computer can send that virus to every e-mail address that has come across his computer. Or, someone can take all of those addresses and sell them or send junk mail to them in the hopes that you will go to the site and they will make five cents for each hit.

How do you stop it? Well, there are several easy steps:

(1) When you forward an e-mail, DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message (at the top). That's right, DELETE them. It only takes a moment. First you must click the 'Forward' button and then you will have full editing capabilities against the body and headers of the message. If you don't click on 'Forward' first, you won't be able to edit the message at all.

(2) Whenever you send an e-mail to more than one person, do NOT use the To: or Cc: fields for adding e-mail addresses. Always use he BCC: (blind carbon copy) field for listing the e-mail addresses.

This way the people you send to will only see their own e-mail address. If you don't see your BCC: option click on where it says To: and your address list will appear. Highlight the address and choose BCC: and that's it.

(3) Remove any ‘FW:' in the subject line. You can re-name the subject if you wish or even fix spelling.

(4) ALWAYS hit your Forward button from the actual e-mail you are reading. Ever get those e-mails that you have to open 10 pages to read the one page with the information on it? By forwarding from the actual page you wish someone to view, you stop them from having to open many e-mails just to see what you sent.





Humor -
Remember Calvin?

ANNIVERSARY - OF A SORT

Forty years ago today (February 21, 1970) I proposed to Amalie. She said "Yes" practically before I had the words out of my mouth!

UPDATE PLUS FASCINATING PHOTOS

Yesterday I talked about the network of slave PC's, and the trouble they can cause. The article went on to say that individual home computers could be invaded, and the owner never the wiser. Then I received an email from a friend suggesting that was a good reason to shut down one's computer at night.

I almost never turn off mine. I use a Mac, and so I called Apple tech to find out how dangerous this botnet business is for a Macintosh. Not very, I was told, for several reasons:
~ PC's use a different method of programming than Mac, and since there are far more PC's than Macs, the bad guys generally (not always) go for quantity.
~ Nothing can be put on a Mac automatically; anything new must get past the computer's password.
~ In addition, for me, at any rate, I use Earthlink, and they catch viruses before they ever get to my equipment. Every now and then I get an email from Earthlink telling me they have isolated something dangerous, and don't touch it!

So if you are a Mac user, you are not in much danger. For you PC users, you will need to find ways to protect your computer.

Now on to other more pleasant matters.

These are quite intriguing photos. See for yourself. The comments are mine.

Well! Look at that! A young wild deer!

He doesn't seem afraid of us.

Let's go over and say "Hello"

He thinks you're a deer friend?

My, my! A real friendly guy.

She must have been taking the previous photos.

He recognizes friendly folk!

Humor -
Here's the last of the English church signs:

Jargon

This was the headline and sub-head in this morning's business section of the paper:

Network of slave PC's steals data trove.
Discovery of 'botnet' serves as warning of online threats.

HUH?

I thought I was reasonably (a little bit) computer knowledgeable, but this had me stumped.

Let's try humor -

THE PLANE WAS WAITING

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

CHANGES

It appears that one of the constants in this world is change. Oh, yeah. As well as death and taxes.
Amalie and I moved into this mobile home some 39 years ago, and we (now I) have used the same bank just down the street for most of that time. It has been most convenient, especially when I became handicapped, and have used my scooter to get there and back.

A couple of years ago the institution was sold to another bank, and then last year that latest bank got caught up in the banking fiasco, and is now in the process of being taken over by yet another bank. I just received a letter saying that in the interests of economy, they will be closing this branch, and all we lucky ones get to go several miles to their closest branch office. Oh, goodie! ‘Fraid not. For me to reach them would mean traveling on terrible sidewalk - all broken up - anud crossing both an entrance and exit to a freeway, not the safest thing in the world!

So I’m starting to think of other options. It all remains to be seen. More on this as developments take place.

In the meantime, enjoy a bit of humor:

A Chinese Ming vase is up for auction. The bidding opens at a half-million Euros. Bidding is brisk and each bidder is clearly identified as each raises the bid by 100,000 Euros. Within seconds, the bid stalls at one million Euros, and the gasp from the crowd identifies the excitement that prevails in the room.

The successful bidder is the last one who bid one million, and the auctioneer counts down the bid, "Going once, going twice, and sold to the gentleman sitting in front of me for one million Euros."

Now, you are going to have to see the video for yourself.

The auctioneer is exuberant. The pace is fast.

The conclusion? Priceless!

MORE BEAUTIFUL OCEAN PICS

Here are some more of these remarkably clear underwater photos. Enjoy!


















































Humor -

AMAZING HEADLINES

Homeless Face Housing Shortage

Fatal Tour Boat Unsafe

Slain Pastor’s Wife Says Little in Court

BITS ‘N PIECES

We had a Valentine’s Day brunch at our clubhouse the other day -- potluck. Nobody is told what to bring, and it is always amazing the variety we get! All the way from egg dishes to baked beans to muffins, fruit, and more desserts than you can count. Yum!

There are several folks who live hear who are profoundly deaf, and a few have cochlear implants. Recently one of the implant folks was telling me that while the implant makes it so much easier to hear people in person, she still has trouble hearing those on phone calls. As a result, she says, she much prefers to use email. Ah, another reason to sit down in front of the computer.

Neither Cliff nor I received any valentines, but our birds did! Well, in a way. Friends gave Chip and Pep a bottle of special fancy bird food. They are yet to say “Thank you.”

A friend on the east coast emailed to say how much snow they were getting, and did we get any? My response -- Snow? What's snow? We're in the low to mid 60's - above zero.

Humor --

Jake is struggling with two huge suitcases when a stranger asks if he has the time. Jake says aloud, “What time is it?” “It’s a quarter to six,” says a voice from his wrist.. “Wow! Nice watch,” says the stranger. “Thanks,” says Jake, “I built it myself. It can speak the time aloud for any city in any language, plus it’s got GPS, and an MP3 player.” “Holy cow,” says the stranger, “how much?” Jake answers, “This is a prototype. It’s not for sale.” “I’ll give you $1,000.” “Can’t,” says Jake, “it’s not ready.” “$5,000!” “Well, okay, but...” The man slaps a wad of cash into Jake’s hand, grabs the watch, and heads down the street. “Wait!” yells Jake, picking up the suitcases “You forgot the batteries!”

WORDS AND MUSIC

Last night I watched an old 1948 movie from Netflix -- “Words and Music”. This was presumably about the collaboration between Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart, though I had the distinct feeling that Hollywood hoked it up a bit. When I Googled the title, I read that it was a fictionalized story of the songwriting partnership of Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart. What really made it enjoyable was the music, and the show pieces containing their music. The film was full of guest spots from Gene Kelly and Mel Torme to Lena Horne, Judy Garland, Ann Southern, June Allyson, Cyd Charisse, Janet Leigh, and Vera-Ellen. Mickey Rooney played Lorenze (Larry) Hart, and Tom Drake (you remember him) played Richard Rogers. Actually quite enjoyable, if one ignored the plot.


Humor -
A few more of the English church signs --

UNUSUAL PHOTOS

...or just plain beautiful. I've been a bit under the weather the past couple of days, which is why I didn't post anything yesterday. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, enjoy these. Just a few comments from me.

This one looks like something out of Wuthering Heights.

This intrigued me. A splash of water that looks like a swan?

Who you lookin' at?

Mushroom dwellings

Winter wonderland!

Fun -

Political quotes:

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." --Dan Quayle, VP



"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago!" --Dan Quayle, VP