ALL KINDS OF BIRDS

Some cute; some spectacular.

But first, you gotta take a test --

This is a tricky one...  But there is an easy answer. See if you can figure out what these 8 words have in
common. The answer is below, but don't peek until you've given it a good shot!

 Assess                     Banana
 Dresser                   Grammar 
 Potato                     Revive
 Uneven                   Voodoo

Ok, now our feathered friends --

 

Outta my territory!

 He always leans on me when he's been drinking.

Even baby condors are cute.  Sorta.

I see you!

Lovey doveys

I can't come out to play.

Here I am -- The Pink Terror!

I wonder how long we get to ride this taxi.

Quiz answers :

If you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

ARRANGEMENTS, part 2

Some more examples, in case you were considering going into the arrangement business.

 

Humor from real life --

The other day Cliff was driving me down El Camino Real on the way home, when he said, “Hey! That’s a cute little car!”  So I glanced over where he pointed, and saw a little blue vehicle, about half the length of a regular sedan.  And then I saw the license plate:
                                                                        Y U LAFF

ARRANGEMENTS

Any of these would look beautiful in your home --

 

 

 

 

Humor --

Inner Peace  
 
If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without a glass of wine,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then you are probably

...

...

...

We’re getting there ...

...

...

...The family dog!! 

ANIMAL PAIRS, part 2

Look Out! More unusual ‘couples’.

I don't know what it is, but I lit. I'll keep it.

  Thanks for the visit. Now get me down from here.

 You pick your sleeping places; I'll pick mine.

  It's okay, don't be scared. I won't let them hurt you.

 Want milk?

 I don't know where they came from. Kinda cute, though.

  If you wanna stay warm, a sweater works better.

  I like my movable table.

 

 Taking care of this guy  sure beats carrying around a keg of brandy.

Who did you say you were?

Fun -

I may have posted this one before, but I think it’s funny.

THE BURGLAR

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place it in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,

"Jesus is watching you!"

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked off his flashlight and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

"Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest upon a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the heck are you?"

"Moses," Replied the bird.

"Moses" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"

The bird answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus".

PULLING ALLIGATOR TEETH

At least that’s what it felt like. I have my landline telephone and DSL Internet service with my Internet Service Provider. A week ago last Wednesday my landline phone decided to not have a dial tone. So I called my Internet Service Provider to find out what was wrong, and please get it fixed.


Without getting into all of the glory details, it did not go well. Numerous indications of restored order went unfulfilled, and there were other problems that went along with the major one. Finally, eight days after the origin of the problem, it was finally fixed. So now I can phone out and others can call me.

Now, I felt, was the time to insist on a credit for the lost phone service. So I called my dear ISP to see what kind of a credit they would give me. The first person I spoke with offered me an amount so small, that I felt insulted, and said so. Just for the record the amount offered was less than one dollar a day of lost service. Then he doubled it. I said that it was a long way away from what I had in mind. He explained that he was only following the procedure laid down for him, and that was the best he could do. I said it was not good enough. He raised it once more. Still too low. He said that was as high as he was allowed to go. I suggested that he transfer me to someone who could do better, and he did so.

The supervisor, for that’s who it was, was a reluctant to offer me any more than the last person had. I won’t call it an argument, but he and I got into a spirited discussion on what was fair. He made an offer; I rejected it. And here is where it got funny. I asked him that if the problem were his, would that offer satisfy him? His response? No it wouldn’t... and I just burst out laughing. He must have been embarrassed because he asked if I would wait a moment on hold, and then he came back and offered me an amount 10 times the original offer. I accepted that. And by that time it felt like I had been pulling alligator teeth!


Humor -

IT’S SO HOT THAT…

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out  and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

ANIMAL PAIRS

Here are a number of odd animal pairings. Some appear friendly; others, not so, especially the first one.
Have a look!

That cat does not look happy!

Sorry, buddy.  The top of my head was itching.

Can I have this kitten?  He's kinda cute.

I adopted him.

These 'keets are not afraid.

Now tell me.  Where does it hurt?

I just like taking care of these critters.

Well, if your mother won't keep you clean, I will!

Can I come visit?

I found it.  It's mine.  Whatever it is.

Fun -

RETIREES

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.

Question: When is a retiree's bed time?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees are needed to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

Yup!  More photos from Bavaria. In case you don't remember, I had posted two sets of painted buildings in Bavaria.  Then I discovered that I had a few more.
Enjoy!

 

Humor -

IT’S SO HOT THAT…  

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 F and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in it only takes two fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.