THE STOCKINGS WERE HUNG BY THE CHIMNEY CARE ...

From an article in the San Jose Mercury News
By Joan Morris
Slightly edited by Don Meyer

For far longer than anyone can remember, we’ve been stuffing stuff in our socks. Candy, coal, hay, expensive trinkets, dollar-store finds. If it fits, chances are it’s been stuffed.

But why stockings, and not, say, buckets? Or pants pockets? Or shoes? Well, actually we did try shoes for a while, but the formerly unadorned and underappreciated stocking eventually won the job. There are many theories, but we are a little short on concrete answers. Here, however, is an interesting tidbit that you can savor by the fire on Christmas Eve. (If you have a fireplace.)

The prevailing theory about why we started giving gifts in stockings is the stuff of folk legend. It seems that good St. Nicholas was traveling through a small village where there lived a poor man with three beautiful daughters. Like any father with a trio of lovely daughters, he was worried about their future and how they would be provided for. Nicholas, who had not yet begun his career as a legendary gift-giver, was nonetheless a charitable man, and he wanted to help the poor father.  Knowing the man would never accept a handout, he contrived a plan to help.

He waited until the family had gone to bed, then sneaked in through the chimney with three bags of gold coins, one for each daughter. It so happened that the girls had done laundry that day and has left their stockings hanging by the fire to dry. Nicholas found them a handy container to hold his surprise gift.

The money was discovered the next morning and they all lived happily ever after - but not before starting the tradition of leaving stockings by the fire in hopes of a visit by St. Nicholas.


CHRISTMAS FUN CARTOONS

 

THIS WILL HAVE YOU 'OWLING

Yup, more hidden owls. See how you do.
(But first, the annual Christmas quiz.  Santa has 10 - yes 10 - reindeer. Can you name them? See clues below.)

 I only think I see this one.

 Okay, these guys are easy to spot. But beautiful!

 Look here! A wooden owl!

 The eyes give them away.

 Spying lookout

 If I had a sign, it would say DO NOT DISTURB.

 The matching coloring is fantastic.

 Here we go again. In the upper right?

 Well, the coloring looks good, but not the texture.

 I think if he closed his eye he would pretty much disappear.

Quiz help - Did you get them all? No? Here, I'll give you the first 8:

Dasher,  Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
Now there are two more.  See below.

 A bit of fun –

PERKS OF BEING OVER 60

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

 4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

 7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

 8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

 9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

 10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

 11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

 13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

 14. You sing along with elevator music.

 15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

 16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

 17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

 18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

 19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

 20. You can't remember where you saw this list.

Quiz, continued:  Did some one say 'Rudolph?'  RIGHT!
Now just one more.


Think!



The song...

It's right there ...

 Come on ...


I think somebody said it --

Did I hear


Olive?

Right!

'Olive', you ask?

Of course.

Olive, the OTHER reindeer!

"..used to laugh and call him names...
'

QUITE A SURPRISE!

 At Avenidas there are three groups of people – the staff, the participants, and volunteers. Everyone wears a name tag. For example, this is my name tag:

Which brings me to an interesting story. One morning when I arrived at Avenidas, I saw a gentleman that I had not seen before. A rather pleasant looking individual with a most genial demeanor.

He came over to shake my hand, and as he was standing and I was sitting in my wheelchair, I was face to face with his name tag. And that really surprised me! Here’s why –

Now my last name is MEYER, without the  “S” on the end. But for a brief moment I thought I was looking at myself.

Don–with–the–S volunteers several mornings a week, and as with all volunteers, his help is greatly appreciated.
He arrives with a book of jokes that he reads to the group of us sitting around the table first thing in the morning. Many of his jokes are pretty corny, as he is quick to acknowledge, but every now and then he comes up with the real dandy. For example, like this one:

A young lady was asked why she was not married.
“Why should I?” she replied.  “I’ve got a dog that snores, a parrot that swears, and a cat that stays out all night!”


Tomorrow look out for the annual Christmas quiz.

CHRISTMAS AT HOME

Here in our mobile home park owners celebrate all of the major holidays with decorations the clubhouse.
Now is the time for the biggest holiday of the year, and I want to show you this year's decoration  – –

 This snowman rotates

Hi, to all of you.

 I didn't know they had igloos in Antarctica.

  Santa is using penguins instead of elves?

 Looks like something out of Dr. Seuss.

...  And I like my own dog house, and the food I like,

 and my very own pillow, and ...

 Hey, get off my seesaw!

 Why a train? Rudolph has a cold.

 Frosty is my brother-in-law.

 Holiday season fun –

CATS

 I think that cats of all kinds are beautiful animals. They are sleek, and move with grace. Here are a few photographs of a cougar.

 Looking for something.

 Better view up here.

 Spied something.

 I wouldn't mess with this guy.

 The lion may be king of the jungle, but I'm the boss around here.

 He's quick!

 Take a good look at me.

Fun --

THE IRISH RAIL

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Rail:

Gentlemen, I have been riding trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to
be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the
transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,

Patrick Finnegan

***
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history.  The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,

Iarnrod Eireann

***
Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will
refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass. That,
gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!
Yours truly,

Patrick Finnegan

A VARIETY OF ANIMALS

 Variety, they say, is the spice of life. So here we have some spicy four footers,  but mainly feathered ones.

 Awkward landing.

 It's okay, you can admire me.

 A flutterby, er, ah, butterfly.

 Taking off, or landing? You can admire me, too.

 ( Fill in your own caption.)

 Sleepy sheep, er, um, lambs.

 Hummer up close

 Down by the  sea shore, surely.

 That peacock sure has a fancy cage.

 I told you, this is my limb.

 Dinner time! I'm coming, I'm coming.

“WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!”

 A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." 

"Go away," said the old lady. “I haven't got any money." She started to close the door but quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he replied, "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of manure onto her hallway and told her, "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder." 

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a darned good appetite young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning!"

BEAUTIFUL SCENERY, PART ONE

 Here is a variety of scenery. I have no idea where these scenes are, but they are beautiful.

 To live up here is to have a beautiful view.

 Lonely looking trees

 I wonder where this might be.

 The sun beaming down on hydrangea.

 Cold, but lovely.

 Grazing animals.

 

 Quite a combination – trees, clouds, and mountains above.

 Those green fields look almost like velvet.

NOTABLE QUOTABLES

~ Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Henry Asquith

~ We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -
Will Rogers

~ Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you. -
Winston Churchill

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. 

- Phyllis Diller

~ The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out - Unknown

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal