NEW GLASSES, PART THREE

NEW GLASSES, PART THREE

...I think.  Anyway, I was back to see the opthamologist this morning.
Doc:  ”What seems to be the trouble?  Seeing double?”

Me:  “Not exactly double.  At a distance, I can’t bring anything into focus.”

Doc:  “So what do you think is the matter?  Oh, that’s why you’re here to see me.”

In any event, he rechecked my eyes “Your left eye has always been fuzzy”, and wrote a new prescription, which I promptly gave to the optician.   Now another week or three, and ...

Different topic, or, what is the world coming to?  I found it interesting that later this morning I did my banking, some grocery shopping, and went to the post office -- all in the same store.



Funny cartoons, courtesy of a good friend:

On my computer mouse?

Can't it read?

WEIRD HOMES ...

...and locations, from the ancient to the modern.  The comments came with the photos.
Have fun!

DON'T WANT VISITORS? JUST UNHOOK THE CABLE.

MOST PEOPLE USE TREES FOR A WINDBREAK

CONSIDER THE PANIC IF YOU HEAR A BRANCH CRACK.

 HOW DID THEY GET THAT CAR IN THERE AND WHY?

 LONG CLIMB AFTER A DAY'S WORK!

See the ladder underneath?

TREE BELOW...FLOWERS ABOVE....SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST WEIRD!

NOT DURING HURRICANE SEASON, THANK YOU

GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH DAMPNESS AT YOUR HOUSE?

 I'VE HEARD OF PEOPLE'S BRIDGEWORK BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

 BETTER TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING!

Humor -

On the first day of a marriage retreat, the instructor stressed the importance of knowing what matters to each other.  “For example,” he began, pointing to a man in the first row, “do you know your wife’s favorite flower?”  “Of course,” the man answered.  “Pillsbury all-purpose.”

***
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

SKITTER

I was having an interesting, perplexing problem with my computer.  I’d go to use my mouse, and all of a sudden the cursor on the screen would go

across the screen.  So I called Apple tech, but they couldn’t figure it out.  Son Cliff to the rescue.  He pointed out that the area where I used the mouse was all pitted and pockmarked, which caused the mouse laser beam to jump.

Oh.

Solution?  We figured the simplest thing to do was to cover the offending area, so Cliff went out and bought a rather attractive, unassuming cover.  Have a look.  No more skitter.

More Haiku error messages --

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

ICE CREAM SOCIAL

Yesterday we had the second annual Ice Cream Social and  by acclaim it was considered a success.

Saturday Cliff and I completed the necessary shopping.  Then I made up the following sign to attract the customers.

We arrived a little early in order to set up the tables, and get all the goodies in place.  

Here is the ice cream, bowls,and spoons.  Those are 5 quart ice cream containers.

Of course we included all the toppings, including Cool Whip.  (That's the same container you just 

saw -- just moved to the Toppings table). The others are, from right to left, chocolate, black cherry, strawberry, and scutterbotch, er, ah, butterscotch.

And naturally we had to have cookies.  That’s Patty setting them out on a tray.

Here are Cliff and John scooping it up for the hungry customers.  We were often asked if there would be seconds.  The answer was in the affirmative.

Conversation over a bowl of ice cream is always an enjoyable time.

Other fun time --

Why is it that the winner of the Miss Universe contest always comes from earth?
***
One day at a restaurant a woman suddenly called out, “My daughter’s choking!  She swallowed a nickel!  Please, anyone, HELP!  Immediately a man at a nearby table rushed up to her and calmly wrapped his arms around the young girl and squeezed.  Out popped the nickel.  “Thank you,” cried the mother.  “Are you a doctor?”  “No,” the man replied.  “I work for the IRS.”

THE GRAND CANYON

Beautiful photos for your pleasure.  Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

Cruising down the river.

 

 

 

Fun time -

Clear and concise signs:
Sign on English fence:  Dogs--Please shut the gate.

Sign at Juneau, Alaska swimming hole:  Safety ladder; use at your own risk.

***
Then there is the fellow who swallowed all the tiles from his Scrabble set.  His doctor said the problem will work itself out -- but not in so many words.

Next posting on Monday.

HEAVY TRAFFIC

Be sure to note the perfect punch line at the end.


 Virginia  - One of the military's largest transports got stuck at the end of a runway atop the I-564 overpass for more than 16 hours. It was unable to turn around at the West end of Chambers Field at the Norfolk Naval Station.  The incident forced the closing of the field to all but helicopter traffic and made for a dramatic sight for hundreds of motorists passing beneath it during morning rush hour.

"That thing's like a big building sitting there.'' Said motorists.  The nose of the aircraft actually stuck out and OVER the Interstate !

The aircraft's nose was so far over the end of the ramp, the crew was unable to see the runway where it was supposed to turn around so the pilot simply had to leave it at the end of the runway. The Air Force C-5 Galaxy, largest airplane in the free world, is almost as long as a football field and as high as a six-story building.

Weighing 420 tons with a full load, it uses a system of 28 wheels to distribute its weight.? The aircraft had to wait for a specially made tow bar trucked in from Dover,Del. When the tow bar arrived, it was used to hook the C-5 to a tractor that then turned the aircraft around. The plane was not damaged.

The female co-pilot was overheard saying to the male pilot as they exited the plane...

•  "I told you we should have stopped and 
• asked for directions !!!"

What did Snopes have to say about this one?

I wasn't going to add any humor to what I figured was funny enough, but then I ran into this one --

After dinner, two elderly women retire to the kitchen and leave their husbands to chat. One of the men says, "Last night, we went out to a great new restaurant." The other asks, "What is it called?"
The first man knits his brow in concentration and finally says, "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies, "A carnation?"
"No, no. The other one," the first man says.
"The poppy?" wonders his friend.
"No," growls the man. "You know, the one with thorns!"
"Do you mean a rose?" asks the other man.
"Yes, that's it!" the first man says, and then he turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

SECRET PLANE -- MAYBE

I’m sure we all have received emails that purport to be true stories.  These are often heart-warming tales of perhaps someone down on their luck, but miraculously helped out, or long-lost family members reunited, or ... well, you know what I mean.

Recently I received such an email, with a bit of a difference.  This was more of a patriotic tone.  This one showed a jet fighter on the deck of an aircraft carrier, and the caption told us that the  photographs showed a prototype of a new F/A-37 "Talon" military plane.

The text went on to say:
"THIS THING IS EXOTIC

The plane in these pictures is still officially the Air Vehicle Number 1, a prototype, onboard the *USS George Washington CVN-73 for catapult fit checks. Not exactly still Top Secret but certainly not yet made public."

"I believe it will be known as the the F/A-37 (Talon). Although specs are classified, it is believed to be a Mach 3.5 (top speed in the Mach 4 range), super-cruise stealth fighter / bomber / interceptor with approximately a 4,000nm range. Awesome!"

WOW!  I, took one look at it, and called Cliff.  “Come look at this!  It’s amazing!”  He took one look and said, “It’s phony.”  Well, how could he know that, I wondered.  So I looked it up on Snopes.  The result?

So what is going on here?  I read further in the Snopes explanation.

These are pictures taken from the forthcoming motion picture Stealth. Although these pictures come from a fictional movie, they were taken aboard a real U.S. aircraft carrier: the USS Abraham Lincoln, which was used for filming while the vessel was at San Diego's Naval Air Station North Island in June 2004.

Good Heavens, that was 6 years ago!  Interestingly, the email text said the plane was aboard the USS George Washington, while Snopes said it was the USS Abraham Lincoln.

Hard to believe these things especially when they cannot even get the real facts straight.

***
And after that, you still want humor?  Well, out of real life (in part)--

Yesterday, went to see my chiropractor, and once inside, a young lady introduced herself as the doctor's newest employee, and her name was Edith.  That reminded me of an old joke, so when the doc came into the exam room, I said to him, "You can't have any cake."  He looked at me blankly, so I delivered the punch line, "You can't have your cake and Edith, too."

I told you it was old.